Secret Admirer
by bozzonita
Summary: When Lily finally admits her feelings for James, he seems to have given up on her. Instead, she puts in an ad in the lonelyhearts column in the school’s newspaper.
1. Given Up On You

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except the plot.

**Author's Note:** I am back. Yes. At least for a while.

This is like, the fourth revision of this chapter so I hope it's okay. Thanks also to my lovely beta, **Four and Twenty Blackbirds**.

**Summary:** When Lily finally admits her feelings for James, he seems to have given up on her. Instead, she puts in an ad in the lonely-hearts column in the school's newspaper.

**Chapter 1: Given Up On You**

On September 6, 1974, Lily Evans was enjoying the end of summer down by the lake on the grounds of Hogwarts with her two best friends, Aurora and Elisabeth. Elisabeth was lazily flipping through _The Daily Prophet_, not really bothering to read anything.

"Can you _believe_ how much homework we've got?" she asked, "and it's bound to get worse."

"Uh-oh", Aurora said with a smile, "little miss 9-outstanding-OWLs starting to regret the number of NEWTs she's taking?"

"No", stated Elisabeth. "I'm just considering whether or not I can allow myself the time to relax right now."

"Leave it be", Lily said and smiled absentmindedly, "it's the last of summer."

"Lily dear", Aurora said, "are you alright? I've never seen you care less about homework than now."

"Seriously, Lily", Elisabeth said, "your grades were almost as good as mine, and you're only taking one fewer NEWT than me. You ought to have nearly as much to do as I. How come you aren't stressed out?"

"I've worked out my revision schedule for the weekend, I'm sure I'll have enough time," Lily said and smiled. "Besides, I got some done last night when you were at the school magazine's meeting", she told Elisabeth, "and you" – she pointed at Aurora – "were busy watching the Quidditch team's tryouts."

"Ernie Jefferson was trying out for beater", she mumbled. Though she didn't have a real boyfriend, Aurora always had love interests that rarely lasted more than a week.

"Oh, yeah, about _the Mirror_!" Elisabeth exclaimed. She had been appointed editor-in-chief of the school magazine, _The Hogwarts _Mirror, after several years of writing for the magazine.

"What about it?" Aurora asked.

"Guess what!"

"What?" Lily asked.

"We'll be having some new features this year," Elisabeth said quite secretively. "For example… The Lonely-Hearts Column!" She looked at Lily and Aurora with a large expectant smile on her face, awaiting their responses.

"Seriously?"

"We're putting up ads in the common rooms, and in order to get your ad in the first issue we need your ads next week."

"Don't look at me", Aurora said, "I'm not gonna advertise…"

"Me neither", said Lily.

"Oh come on! Don't be scared. Besides", she added to Lily, "if you meet some one else, your lover boy James might give up on you."

"Actually, he hasn't been bothering me much lately. Besides, I would never dream of putting an ad in the first issue; I'd first like to see how the school responds to the column," Lily explained and glanced to her right, toward the castle.

"What are you looking at?" Aurora asked.

"Nothing," Lily declared a bit too quickly. "What time is it? Is it dinner yet? I'm starving."

"Not quite yet," Elisabeth said, after consulting her magical watch. "Half an hour to go."

"Oh, look Lily", Aurora exclaimed, "there's your dear lover boy."

"What? Where?" Lily questioned rather enthusiastically while looking around.

Aurora and Elisabeth exchanged knowing glances.

"Er . . . Lily?" Elisabeth questioned in a strange voice, "Why the excitement?"

"What? Oh, it's nothing. I haven't seen him around, that's all. Was a bit surprised." Lily was a terrible liar, and her friends exchanged another set of knowing glances while Lily demonstratively looked away from James and his friends. "Oh, I hope he's not coming here."

"Looks like that kind of luck wouldn't be yours to have," Aurora said slowly. "He's headed this way."

"Lily," Elisabeth asked innocently, "You haven't changed your mind about James, have you?"

"What?" Lily asked. "No way! He's an unreasonable idiot. Seriously."

But she couldn't help looking up as the four boys passed, waiting for him to say something, like another marriage proposal, or beg for a date again. But he did neither of those two things; indeed, he said nothing at all. He even refused to look at her.

"He's ignoring me," Lily mumbled to herself.

"What did you say?" Aurora asked.

"Nothing", Lily murmered.

"Lover boy is ignoring you," Elisabeth said. "Looks like the little speech – er, tantrum – you threw last time has finally gotten to him."

"I s'ppose so," Lily said.

"Not missing him too much, are you?"

"No," Lily firmly lied.

* * *

"_Lily! Hey, Evans! Wait!" James was hurrying along the corridor to catch up with Lily, who had been the first one to leave the classroom._

_She stopped and spun around, her hands on her hips, looking fairly annoyed. "What do you want, Potter?" she asked._

"_Listen", he said, and panted slightly, "I… er, I…" It wasn't like him to be unable to speak like this._

"_I haven't got all day, you know", she sighed and made a gesture as though she was about to head off._

"_Wait!" he exclaimed. "I…" – he shifted his weight to one side – "listen, Lily – I'm getting really tired of being turned down every time I try to ask you out-"_

"_Great!" she snapped, "Maybe you are finally getting the message."_

"_- so I've decided to try something else," he continued. _

_Without any warning, he just bent down and kissed her. It was a sweet, light kiss. Lily didn't fight it, and was actually beginning to lose her resistance toward kissing James Potter, when he drew back. She stared into his face for a little while, looking confused._

_That's when she slapped him._

"_How dare you," she hissed. "How dare you just come up in the corridor and kiss me?! You arrogant bastard, I wouldn't go out with you if you so were the last person on earth!"_

"_Lily-"_

"_DO NOT INTERUPT ME! I will say this once, and only once. If you EVER bother me again, I will report you for sexual harassment."_

_With that, she spun around and marched away. And with that, James Potter left her alone._

* * *

Lily knew she lost her temper easily, and she didn't find it okay that James had just kissed her there, right on the spot. But neither of those was reason enough to yell at him like that and threaten to report him for sexual harassment.

Ok, so she had been a little harsh on James, but that was no reason for him to be ignoring her? Or was it? Had he really taken what she said to his heart? He couldn't possibly be afraid of being reported for sexual harassment, could he?

Or had he given up on her?

And seriously, why did she care?


	2. Had She Not Been So Stupid

**Author's Note:** A big thank you to all reviewers, and thanks again to my beta **Four and Twenty Blackbirds**.

**Chapter 2: Had She Not Been So Stupid...**

The fall came with the arrival of the following Monday. The weather turned from sunny and hot to cold and windy, leaving the entire school yard – once crowded with students during the breaks – quite deserted.

Though strangely distracted, Lily had, just as she said she would, gotten all of her expected studying done during the weekend, following her revision schedule to an almost extreme extent. As she handed in her Transfiguration essay on Monday morning, she was utterly assured that she would have achieved an O.

This joy was somewhat scattered when it was brought to her attention that Elisabeth and Aurora had chosen the seats in the very back, behind James, Sirius and Remus – Peter having not been accepted into the Transfiguration NEWT class. She hesitated, but as those were the only seats free, she headed over there and sat down.

"Why these lousy seats?" she asked them as she took out her books and quill from her bag.

"They were the only ones left except for the one in front of Fredric Johnson, and he keeps poking me in the back," Aurora explained.

They did not have time to continue the conversation on their choice of seats, for Professor McGonagall emerged and the class fell silent.

"Good-morning, class," she said, "I hope you've all done your homework for today, as we today will be practicing the spell we read about last time. Please, pair up."

Lily looked uncertainly at Aurora and Elisabeth. It didn't really matter to her whom of them she worked with, or if she worked with someone else (as long as they were reasonably good), but she would really like to avoid working with James – which was a possible scenario if Sirius and Remus decided to pair up and Aurora and Elisabeth were partners. She needn't have worried though, as Elisabeth seemed to have read her mind.

"Remus," she said and knocked him softly on his shoulder, "fancy pairing up with me?"

That left James with Sirius and Lily with Aurora. The spell that they were practicing was one that changed the eye colour of their partner. Practicing an appearance-altering spell on humans was indeed considered dangerous, but as it was likely to come up in their NEWTs, it had to be done. Furthermore, this particular spell was regarded as being quite harmless for a spell that altered a person's appearance.

"You go first," Aurora said uncertainly, apparently a bit nervous that she'd mess up – to be honest, the only reason that she passed her Transfiguration OWL was the many hours Lily and Elisabeth had spent helping her.

Like one would have expected, it took Lily a mere three attempts before Aurora's eyes were sparkling purple.

"Very good!" Professor McGonagall beamed, "now let me see you try, Miss Wilkins", she said to Aurora.

Aurora waved her wand uncertainly, but nothing happened. McGonagall took to instructing Aurora in more detail, while Lily – a tad bored – shifted her weight to one foot, looking around in the room. Most of the students seemed to have at least slightly changed the eye colour of their partner by now, and as a result, all the students had eye colours like purple, green, orange, or red. Lily smiled to herself; it looked quite funny.

Her thoughts were interrupted though, as someone bumped into her back, causing her to fall forwards, the person in question landing on top of her.

"OUCH!"

"Oh crap," James muttered as he got up. "I'm so sorry." He reached out a hand to help her to her feet. "Are you alright?"

She grabbed his hand and allowed him to help her up, then he immediately let go of her hand as though he didn't want to touch her more than necessarily. "I'm okay", she said, taking a deep breath and brushing the dust off her robes.

"I apologize, Sirius doesn't know what he's doing," James said with a grimace that could have been an attempt at a smile. "Sorry."

And with that, he turned around.

McGonagall had hurried away to help a Hufflepuff girl whose teeth had accidentally turned purple, and Aurora had apparently been watching James and Lily. She gave a small whistle.

"Shush!" Lily hissed. "_What is the matter with you?_"

"What is up with you two?" Aurora asked curiously. "All of a sudden he's basically ignoring you, while you can't stop glancing at him every time he's in the room."

"Oh just shut up, will you," Lily snapped – and it wasn't at all like her to act this way. She took a deep breath. "Just try the spell once more, okay?"

* * *

"I could kill you for that, Padfoot!" James muttered under his breath as the three of them walked towards the Gryffindor common room. "That can't even be called an attempt at the spell we were supposed to be practicing. I know you did it on purpose. I'm not stupid."

"Chill, Prongs, what's the matter with you?" Sirius asked. "I thought you'd like any chance to lie on top of Lily."

James took a deep breath. "I've decided to stop asking her out," he said quickly.

"What?!" Sirius exclaimed. "Why?"

"Because," James said slowly, "in case you haven't noticed, she's not at all interested in me."

"Prongs-"

"I mean," James said and sounded more like his normal self, "why would I want to waste myself on someone not clever enough to realize what a huge mistake she is trying to make? C'mon, the ocean is full of fish."

"Whatever you say," Sirius said. "I bet you you'll be able to keep this up for one week, at most."

Remus had been quiet until now, listening to their conversation. Now he cleared his throat quietly and spoke, "I think it's good for you."

"See, Moony is with me," James said.

"I'm not saying I don't _support_ you or whatever," Sirius said impatiently. "I'm just saying that I don't reckon you'll be able to pull it off, this whole 'getting-over-Lily'-thing."

"We'll see," James said. "Just wait."

* * *

"I'm tired, I'm going to bed. You coming?" Elisabeth asked with a yawn.

It was well past 2 AM and the Gryffindor common room was empty, except for Lily and Elisabeth. The girls had been doing homework – well, Elisabeth and Aurora had been doing homework. Lily had been pretending, and indeed trying, to do homework but the attempt had not been very successful. Aurora had gone to bed hours ago, as had the Marauders and the rest of their housemates.

"Yeah, just a minute", Lily said in response to Elizabeth's inquiry, and pretended to be working very hard on her Arithmancy paper. "I want to get this finished."

"G'night then," Elisabeth said with another yawn and disappeared up the stairs to the girls' dormitories.

Lily leaned back in the chair. She hadn't been able to concentrate at all this evening, as she had been reliving the Tranfiguration incident over and over again in her mind, and then she began dwelling on the day at the end of last year – the day when James had kissed her.

"Get a grip," she muttered, and closed her book with a bang. "This is entirely your own fault."

Oh, had she not been so stupid as to fall for James because of his stupid kissing, or had she not been so arrogant as to drive him away forever when she finally had begun to think that she might be able to like him, she wouldn't be in this ridiculous situation.

_Maybe I ought to get myself some sort of a distraction_, she thought. _Perhaps I ought to put one of those silly ads in _The Mirror

Yes, that's what she needed! She needed to find another guy to like. She needed a boyfriend. She needed to put in an ad in the lonely-hears column. An ad would find her a guy that would help her get over James – that prick – and find somebody to care about. It was a perfect solution to her problem!


	3. The Trials of Composing A Personal Ad

**Author's Note:** Just a quick note: I wonder a lot how it's come that there are more people who've got this story on their watch list than reviewers.

This I find to be very paradoxical, because: If you care enough about the continuation of the story to put it on your watch list, you should indeed be able to find the five seconds it takes to submit a review. And in addition to those reviews, there should be the reviews from people who think the story is too crappy to put on their watch list. Meaning: The number of reviews should outnumber the number of people who have put the story on their watch list.

I believe the modern human is way too lazy for his/her own best. I mean, seriously, you're not even required to write something long or meaningful (though that is very much appreciated); I'd just appreciate some sort of footprint!

So, thanks a lot to those of you who bothering to review, it is genuinely appreciated. And thanks to my beta, **Four and Twenty Blackbirds.**

And that was it for today's lecture, thank you very much, on with the story. Good-day to you and on with the story!

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Trials of Composing a Personal Advertisement**

The following evening, the girls could once again be found studying in the library. Aurora was doing her Divination homework (seriously, who takes Divination for NEWT…) while Lily and Elisabeth were studying for the expected pop quiz they would most likely be having in Arithmancy the next day. Well: Elisabeth was flipping through her book, occasionally scribbling down one or two key words on a parchment. Lily, while pretending to do the same, had most of her concentration on how she would frame herself in the ad for the lonely-hearts column.

She didn't want the whole school to recognize that it was she who had put in the ad, but she still needed to be honest about herself in order to find a guy. Neither did she know whether or not she should write it kind of jokingly, though it would not really be her style, as she tried not to take it all too seriously in an attempt to save herself from disappointment.

Lily glanced at Aurora and Elisabeth, both of whom seemed to be absorbed by their homework. In the corner of her piece of parchment she began doodling the rough outlines of what could be her notice.

_Incredibly beautiful witch with anger management issues requires wizard to play with._

She grunted to herself and crossed out the line. That wasn't her – neither did she have anger management issues – except when it came to James Potter –, nor did she consider herself incredibly beautiful – though James had actually called her that once a very long time ago. As for 'play with'; although it was true that she wanted to place the ad to get over James, 'play with' was a bit harsh, wasn't it? She truly wanted to fall for someone else.

_Some boys (you know who you are) have led me to believe that all males within the walls of Hogwarts are arrogant bastards, and I need you to prove me wrong._

_Nah_, Lily thought and crossed out also this sentence. It sounded much too desperate, and way too much like she was a slut who had been with every single boy at the school (and been disappointed by them).

_Too ambitious seventh year needs distraction. I'm passionate, loyal and kind, though it might not always show._

She let out an unconsciously loud sigh

"What's up?" Aurora asked and threw a quick glance at Lily's parchment before she'd had the time to snatch it away. "What's that?!"

"Nothing," Lily muttered.

"Please, girls, I'm trying to study," Elisabeth said but Aurora ignored her.

"Is that an ad for _The Mirror_?!" Aurora asked.

This seemed to have caught also Elisabeth's attention. "What?" she inquired. "Are you considering putting in an ad? How great! Let me see!"

"No," Lily lied, "I'm not going to put in one of those stupid ads."

"So can we see what you've been writing then?" Aurora asked innocently.

"No," Lily said, somewhat uncertainly. "Why do you bother anyway, it's just Arithmancy notes…"

"Oh, then we can compare ours!" Elisabeth exclaimed and quickly leant forwards and snatched the parchment from Lily before she had realized what was happening. "Incredibly beautiful witch", Elisabeth read out loud ("SHUSH" exclaimed Lily, "be quiet!"), "wait – it's crossed out, I can't really see… what does it say? Incredibly beautiful witch with anger management issues-"

"Interesting", Aurora said and smiled. "Not gonna put in one of them silly ads, you say?"

_Oh crap_, Lily thought. "Please", she said, "would you please don't read it out loud, at least not here."

Elisabeth held the parchment a mere inch from her eyes in order to see what had been crossed out.

"So," Aurora said, "let me see! Have you come up with anything good?"

"Not really," Lily said.

Elisabeth handed Aurora the parchment. "You just need to show them you're serious, though with a humorous twinkle", she said thoughtfully. "Self-confident without being arrogant or mediocre. Actually one of them was quite good, if you'd just alter it a little…" Her voice faded away and she began writing elatedly on the corner of her own piece of parchment. "How about this?" she said when she looked up and handed the parchment to Lily.

_Perfect perfectionist with somewhat of a paranoiac characteristic needs distraction. I'm kind, generous and passionate though it might not always show. You need to be patient and fun though not to an extreme extent, as those kinds of people annoy me. You boys whose voices haven't even broken yet needn't bother; I'm in one of the upper years._

"Answer to _The Best You'll Ever Have,_" Elisabeth laughed.

"Very funny," Lily muttered. "The ad was good, though. But the ad-thing wasn't serious; it was just a weird idea of mine."

"What, you're not gonna put it in?" Aurora asked.

"Nah."

"Lily, come on," Elisabeth teased, "I know you want to…"

"Nah."

"Just as an experiment," Elisabeth continued. "No one will know it's you, and if you only get bad replies you don't have to answer."

"I don't know…"

"Come on!" Aurora said. "Don't be such a chicken!"

"I guess it's quite risk-free," Lily admitted.

"So you want me to publish it?" Elisabeth asked.

Lily nodded. "Go for it."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry if that was a bit short. I had a lot more planned for this chapter but the whole 'writing-an-ad'-thing took much longer than expected and I just feel that it will be better to wait until next chapter.

And, no James. My God what a crappy chapter this must have been :P


	4. Seriously!

**Clairebl** – I have written a bit from James's PoV earlier, in the second chapter I think it was. You'll be reading more from James's PoV in this chapter and in the future also. Though I think I'll focus on Lily's PoV, as I find it easier to write.

Thanks to all of you who reviewed and thanks to beta, as always. 

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Seriously?!**

On Monday, exactly one week later, Lily and Aurora were enjoying dinner in the Great Hall.

"Where's Elisabeth?" Aurora asked.

"Probably supervising the printing of _The Mirror_," answered Lily.

"Oh! Today is the day!"

"Yes."

"You nervous?"

Lily shrugged. "No…" she said, though not sounding entirely convinced. "Maybe a little," she admitted. "Okay, I'm freaking out here!" she exclaimed when Aurora gave her a questioning look.

"I think it's exciting," Aurora stated.

"That's because it's not you hanging yourself out like this."

"Lily sweetheart, for the fifty-eleventh time. _No one_ will realize it's you who-"

"Lily! Aurora!" A very excited Elisabeth came hurrying down the path between the tables, clutching a magazine tightly in her right hand. "Here," she panted and handed the brand-new issue of _The Mirror_ to Lily. "We're just finished. It's not officially distributed until tomorrow morning, but I thought you'd like-" she interrupted herself and gasped for air.

Lily was flipping through the magazine anxiously. "Where? I can't find it!" she squealed as if it was a matter of life or death.

"Second last page," Elisabeth said.

Lily spread the magazine out on the table and the three girls bent down to read.

_Perfect perfectionist with somewhat of a paranoiac characteristic needs distraction. I'm kind, generous and passionate though it might not always show. You need to be patient and fun though not to an extreme extent, as those kinds of people annoy me. You boys whose voices haven't even broken yet needn't bother; I'm in one of the upper years._

_Mark responses with '009'_

Yes, there it was, just as they had written it.

"How is the response-thingy going to work, anyway?" Lily asked.

"Well," Elisabeth said, "we had quite a hard time figuring that out. We didn't want to risk revealing someone's identity, and no one wanted to take the responsibility of being the secret-keeper who would be responsible. Instead, we decided to give that assignment to the two house elves which are normally doing the printing and other errands for us. I just hope it'll work out," she said and bit her lip.

"So," said Lily, "if I get any responses-"

"_When_ you get your responses," Aurora corrected, "please be a little more positive, will you?"

Lily sighed but said, "_When I get my responses_, how will I be getting them?"

"They'll be placed underneath your pillow during afternoon classes," explained Elisabeth, "so you can read them when you get back from the final lesson of the day. There might be one or two replies tomorrow already, though I wouldn't count on it. Probably they'll start rolling in on Wednesday."

"I wonder who all these other people are," Aurora mused. "_I'm pretty, I'm smart, you'd be lucky to have me._ Seriously? Who wrote that?"

Elisabeth shrugged.

"You're editor-in-chief," Aurora said, "do you know who's behind all of these ads?"

"No," said Elisabeth simply. "I told you, it's in the hands of the house elves."

Aurora sighed but didn't look too disappointed. "It looks like it's gonna be an interesting term," she said. "If the ads turn out to be popular, I might even consider putting one in myself!"

* * *

"I'm bored," Sirius declared and closed his book with a loud bang on Tuesday evening.

"You've been attempting to study for a mere ten minutes," Remus remarked.

"I guess I simply haven't got that study brain of yours," Sirius answered with a grin. "Who's up for a prank?"

Remus sighed. "You're not in fifth year anymore, Sirius, and it's a miracle you did pass that year!"

Sirius looked around at his fellow marauders. "No one up for a prank? Seriously? What's wrong with you guys?!"

No one said anything for a few seconds. Only Peter did a little shrug and looked uncertainly at his friends.

"What type of prank do you have in mind?" James asked all of a sudden, almost with his old mischievous grin.

"Prongs! Jamie boy, you're back!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Seriously, James," said Remus, "I had hoped you had matured…"

"No," said James loudly and banged his fist on the table. "I've been immensely boring to hang out with lately, and being involved with a prank is exactly what I need, don't you think?"

"I second that." Sirius was grinning so hugely that it looked as if his face might be torn apart any second now; he was obviously extremely thankful that his best friend seemed to be back.

"Third that," Peter squealed.

Lupin grunted. "I guess it's good that you're feeling better," he said.

"So… any ideas?" James asked.

"Well, we could place Dungbombs in the girls' dormitories," Sirius suggested.

"No, no, no," James said, "way too… fifth year."

"Anything to do with Snivelly?" Peter suggested.

"Nah, he's getting boring. We need to do something different," James concluded while distractedly picking up the a copy of _The Mirror_, which was lying around pretty much everywhere as the latest issue had been distributed just today.

"Anything interesting in there?" Sirius asked.

"Nah," James said, "not really. Never bothered to actually read anything."

"You should," Remus said, "some of the articles are in fact very interesting. And the texts are usually very well written."

"Moony, puh-lease," Sirius said, "stop being so-"

"What's this?!" James inquired all of a sudden. "A lonely hearts-column?! In _The _Mirror?! Seriously?!"

"Seriously?!" exclaimed Peter.

"Seriously?" asked Lupin, finally putting his books away.

"Seriously!" James said.

"Seriously?!" Sirius cried out and snatched the magazine from James to see for himself.

"Seriously, what's the big deal?" James said. "Sure I'd never have thought I'd see that in that… _thing_ claiming to be a magazine, but there's no need for excitement to that extent, is there?"

"Unless," Sirius began but trailed off. He was thinking so hard you could almost see the gearwheels.

"Unless…?" Remus asked.

"Padfoot's thinking," James said and sniffed. "Is it just me, or is something burning here?" He laughed, as did Remus and Peter.

Sirius glared at James. "Very funny."

"Everyone was laughing…"

"Do you want to hear my plan or not?!"

James, Remus and Peter nodded excitedly.

"Well," Sirius said slowly, "… drum roll…" – he clapped his hands on the table several times – "… we should answer an ad."

"What?!" Remus cried out.

"Seriously?" Peter squeaked.

"Brilliant!" James exclaimed.

"Um," Peter said uncertainly, "no one of you is having problems finding girl friends, are you?"

"No, stupid," Sirius said, "it'll just be for fun."

"We're totally make her fall for… _Harry_," James said.

"What Harry?" Sirius asked, looking confused.

"We'll need a pseudonym for the guy we'll be portraying," James explained.

"Brilliant!" Sirius said.

"Cool," Peter said, seeming a bit awestruck that his cool friends could come up with such an idea.

"No," said Lupin, "it's cruel, it's mean, and it's not funny at all!"

"Moony!" Sirius and James exclaimed in one voice.

"Someone's got to be responsible here," Remus said in a tired voice. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Remus," James said in a serious voice, "we need some fun. And it'll be just harmless," he added. "We're not seriously gonna hurt her. Just have some fun."

Remus sighed. "I tried to tell you, I really did… I take no part in this and therefore I have no responsibility whatsoever to the consequences."

"There won't be any!" Sirius exclaimed. "Just fun."

"Moony," James said, "seeing as you are the only one out of the four whose handwriting has the slightest chance to be readable, it'd be convenient if you wrote the letter."

"But," Remus said, "didn't I say I want no part in this?"

"Pretty please?" Sirius pouted. "It's not the same without you."

"I'm flattered, but-"

"Pretty please, Moony," James pouted, "you're also the very best when it comes to formulating oneself. We can't do it without you."

Remus sighed once again. "Okay. But – _no responsibility!_"

"Deal!"

"Which ad are we responding to anyway?" Remus asked.

"_I'm pretty, I'm smart, you'd be lucky to have me_," Sirius suggested.

"Nah," James said. "Too… boring."

"_Anyone out there who wants to comfort a sensitive soul_-"

"Urrrk," James said, "way too… sensitive and stuff."

"_Perfect perfectionist with somewhat of a paranoiac characteristic needs distraction_", Sirius read.

"That might just be it!" James exclaimed and Peter nodded enthusiastically. "Is that all it says?"

"No, there's more," said Sirius and recited the whole ad.

"I wonder who it is," Remus said with a thoughtful look.

"Doesn't matter," James said. "That's the one!"


	5. Lily is Friends with Potter!

**Chapter 5: Lily is Friends with Potter!**

Lily's, Aurora's, and Elisabeth's (and, incidentally, also James's and his buddies') last class on Wednesday was double potions. The three girls shared a desk with a Ravenclaw girl by the name of Anna.

Normally, Potions was one of Lily's best subjects (on second thought, weren't they all?), after charms of course. Today, however, she did not enjoy it at all and it was pure luck that allowed her to accomplish the day's assignment without major mistakes.

When Professor Slughorn announced that the lesson had finally come to an end, she was the first one out through the doors. She was extremely eager to see if any letters had arrived in response to her lonely-hearts ad. As Elisabeth had anticipated, there hadn't been any replies yesterday, but today it was Wednesday and _some _letters were bound to have arrived, weren't they? Much to her delight, she found five letters upon her arrival at the girls' dormitories. When Aurora and Elisabeth entered, she was already sitting on her bed with the letters sprawled out in front of her.

Aurora gave a small whistle. "Miss Popular!"

"Have you read any?" Elisabeth asked.

Lily shook her head. "No, I wanted to wait for you guys!"

Aurora squealed. "I didn't think you'd let us read them! Let's begin, let's begin, let's begin!"

Lily cleared her throat. "Well, I thought I'd read them first, one by one, and then decide if you may read them."

"Fair enough," said Elisabeth.

Lily opened the first letter.

_If you are anything like you described yourself, I would very much like to go out with you. I'm only a third year, but I'm very mature for my age; please don't judge me in advance._

"Ew, that's gross," she said and headed the letter to Elisabeth, who read it quickly with Aurora peeking over her shoulder, before she tore the letter into halves.

"You're bound to have some nutty replies. Try another one."

"This one wants us to compare our horoscopes," Lily said and threw a letter onto the floor. "This one obviously just wants to sleep with me… as well as this one…," she continued and tossed another two letters onto the floor. "Here's one who wants me to help him with his homework…"

"Only one left," Aurora observed.

Lily paused before opening the last letter.

"Don't forget, you'll probably get more letters tomorrow. And the day after that. Maybe your Mr. Perfect wants his letter to be perfect."

"Or maybe he doesn't want to seem desperate."

_Dear Miss Perfect,_

_We seem to have much in common – I'm also looking for a distraction, and something about you intrigues me._

_I don't know how to present myself in a way that will catch your eye, but I feel that I've got those qualities that you, in your so perfectionist way, enumerated. I expect that you got a lot of responses and will most likely not choose me. However, if you do choose to respond to this tiny cry for your attention, I am very willing to embrace this new adventure with you._

_Love,_

_H_

"Well, that's without doubt the most promising one this far," Aurora said.

"He seems really sweet," Elisabeth said.

Lily nodded.

"I don't think you should respond immediately," said Elisabeth, "you should definitely wait until the end of the week. Then you can choose the best one."

"You're probably right," said Lily, "I'll choose which ones I want to respond to this weekend."

* * *

"Anyone up for playing some quidditch tonight?" James asked his fellow marauders Friday afternoon.

"Do you even need to ask, Prongs?" Sirius grinned.

"I'm in," said Peter.

"Moony?" James asked.

"Or do you have to study?" Sirius said.

"I really need to study, but… maybe I'll make an exception," Remus said, "just so that you'll stop mocking me."

"That's my boy!" James exclaimed and patted Remus on the shoulder.

"Potter! James!" someone called out. The marauders stopped and James spun around.

"Evans," he said, quite surprised at the sight of the redhead coming hurrying towards him.

"You forgot your book," she panted and handed it to him.

"Oh, thanks," he said, "I'd probably have lost it."

"Um…"

"Yeah…" James trailed off and made a move as though to continue down the corridor with his friends.

"Um, yeah," Lily said, "I was wondering if I might have a word with you? Um, in private?"

James frowned but before he had had the time to speak, Sirius had said "See you back in the common room" and headed off with Remus and Peter.

"So," James said, "are you headed to the common room? We'll talk on the way."

Lily nodded and followed him in silence.

"So what did you wanna talk about?" James asked cheerily.

"Well," Lily said uncertainly, "I know it's been a while but I sort of wanted to apologize for slapping you last year."

"Oh," James said, slightly surprised. "I guess… apology accepted then."

"That easy?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Aren't you going to yell at me or be at least the slightest mad?"

"No," said James slowly, "I prefer saving my energy to more important things, such as-"

"Quidditch?"

"Yeah," he said and grinned. "Anyway; I realized that being mad at you or chasing you apparently was a big waste of time and energy, so I'm going to let it slip."

"So… you're not mad at me?"

"Nope."

"So… friends?" she stretched out her hand.

_Wtf? Evans wants to be friends with _me_? Since when?!_ James thought, but merely smiled and shook her hand. "Friends."

By this time they had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. When Lily had stated the password, the portrait hole swung open and the two of them stepped inside, parting.

* * *

"So what did Evans want to talk to you about, Prongs?" Sirius asked as they were heading down to the quidditch pitch after dinner.

"Believe it or not," James said, "she apologized."

"No kidding?!"

"Yeah I know, totally weird and out of character."

"Seriously, Evans apologized to Prongs. There's definitely something weird with this world."

"She apologized for the whole slapping thing, and then she found it fascinatingly weird that I wasn't mad at her," James explained.

"Are you really not or were you lying to her?" Remus asked.

"I'm not mad at her," James assured them.

"So, what now?" Sirius asked curiously. "You guys dating?"

"Nope," James said. "I'm over Evans."

"Yeah right," Sirius muttered.

"It's totally true. I had a big fat chance with her today and I didn't make anything out of it. Doesn't that prove anything?"

"Prove what?"

"That you lost your stupid bet!"

Sirius sighed. "We all know that you're going to end up together," he said, "why are you being so complicated you people?"

"You never know, Padfoot," Remus said, "maybe they aren't meant to be."

At this Sirius scowled, but James nodded approvingly. "I like you, Moony. We should all listen more to you."

* * *

_I'm friends with Potter_, Lily thought incredulously. _Why on earth am I friends with Potter?_

"Earth to Lily, Earth to Lily," Aurora said and snapped her fingers in front of Lily. "What's up with you?"

"I think I'm friends with Potter," Lily said with a weird look upon her face.

"What?!" Aurora questioned. "Since when?"

"Since this afternoon," Lily explained. "I'm not sure what happened, but I'm definitely sure we both said 'friends' and shook hands."

"You sure this is not some part of his plan to catch you?"

Lily shook her head. "I'm pretty sure he's given up on me, he has barely spoken to me since last year."

"I guess that's good, then?" Aurora asked. "One can never have too many friends."

"Absolutely," Lily agreed.

"Hey girls, what's up? Gosh, I'm starving," Elisabeth said, as she sat down next to Lily and helped herself to some potatoes. "You can't imagine how stressed I am, I've got so much to do. I've got to read all these articles for _The Mirror_, and I've got to write an essay of three feet for Ancient Runes…" she trailed off and shoved some meat into her mouth.

"Lily is friends with Potter," Aurora stated.

Elisabeth nearly choked – not necessarily with surprise, it might as well have been due to the speed at which she was chewing. "What?" she coughed. "How? Why?"

Lily shrugged. "No interesting story. But we shook hands and now we're friends… I think."

"That's good, isn't it?" Elisabeth beamed. "One can never have too many friends."

"Just what I said," Aurora said.

"Have you decided which letters you are going to reply to?" Elisabeth said and changed the subject.

"Well it's hard to judge someone based on a letter," Lily complained, "I don't know whether to follow my brain or my heart…"

"Your brain," said Elisabeth, "hearts do the stupidest things.

"Your heart," said Aurora and glared at Elisabeth, "love is irrational."

"Basically I've got three replies that aren't entirely nutty," Lily said quickly to interrupt her friends' squabble.

"You could write to all three of them," Aurora suggested.

"Just because you're a slut," said Elisabeth, "doesn't mean we all are…"

"Girls!" cried Lily. "Please, stop arguing. Focus!"

But none of her friends seemed to care. Lily rose and left her squabbling friends at the table, heading back to their dormitory to write a response to _H_.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm gonna be out of town for a few days, then I'll be home for a few days and then I'm going away for a week. Therefore, I don't know how much updates there will be in the nearest future. Just in case you're interested. Which no one really seems to be, as you don't bother to review. _pouts_


	6. Monday's Child is Fair of Face

**Mrs Claire Potter** – Oooups, tiny little detail. Changing it as we spea- er, as I write this, though.

Thanks to everyone who has reviews & thanks to beta. As usual.

* * *

**Chapter 6: ****Monday's Child is Fair of Face**

Lily's muggle alarm rang at seven o'clock on Monday morning. After hitting the snooze button, she yawned and flipped her pillow over to feel the cool side. When the alarm sounded for the second time, she turned it off and got up; as did Elisabeth. Lily headed off for the bathroom to freshen up and returned to find Elisabeth dressed and ready.

"Hurry up, get dressed," Elisabeth said, "I want to look through my Transfiguration essay once more before handing it in."

Lily glanced at Aurora's bed; its hangings were drawn, but left ajar. Lily could just barely catch a glimpse of Aurora, who was sleeping..

Elisabeth sighed and said in an accusing tone, "You aren't going to wait for her to wake up, are you? If you are, you might as well wait until lunch."

"You guys still fighting?" Lily asked in a tired voice.

Elisabeth shrugged. "I'm afraid I might have been a bit harsh on her yesterday," she admitted, "but I also thing she was quite as mean as I, so she should also apologize…"

"Just apologize," Lily said, "and then she'll apologize, and it'll all be fine…"

Elisabeth shook her head. "No."

"Don't tell me you're going to wait for her to apologize?"

"I don't like admitting my mistakes," Elisabeth said, "I still believe I'm right, you know."

"SOD OFF," Aurora, apparently aroused by the talking, shouted from behind her bed hangings. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"Class starts in one hour," Elisabeth coolly informed her, "you might want to be there."

"Mind your own business!"

"GIRLS!" Lily cried out. "I'm sick and tired of your fighting and I hate having to choose one side. But you know what? This time I'm just going to stay out of it; I don't really want to be around either one of you two right now!" And with that, she stormed out of the dormitory and headed off to the Great Hall for breakfast on her own.

She sat down in the middle of the Gryffindor table and began filling her plate with sausages, toast and the rest of her favourite items from Hogwarts's breakfast buffet.

"Oi," said a familiar voice.

She looked up. "Po – er, James," she said. "Um, good morning."

"Where are your friends?" he asked.

"Where are _your_ friends?" she replied, as she had noticed that he was unusually alone.

"Well," said James, "mind if I sit, by the way?" he asked and on Lily's approving nod he sat down opposite her and began filling his plate with various foods. "Remus is… ill and Peter is keeping him company. Sirius is snogging that friend of yours."

"Who?!"

"Um, her name just slipped my mind… she's… the one with the biggest boobs?" James said and grinned. "Her name is…A something?"

Lily glared at him. "Men! All you think about –"

"Sorry," James said. "But true."

"I'm going to let that one slip," Lily said, "but only because I'm not in the mood for arguing."

"Fine."

"But it does sound like Aurora."

"Yeah, right! That's her name!"

"Snogging Black?"

James nodded. "Seriously, I don't think you need to worry… Sirius isn't as bad as he seems. Really."

"He's a man whore," Lily said. "No offense –"

"I don't like it when people insult my friends, but I'm going to let that one slip," said James, "only because I'm not in the mood for arguing."

Lily giggled, which was weird. She wasn't normally the giggly type – the giggly type was Aurora and she was upstairs snogging Sirius.

"He's a man whore," Lily repeated, "and she's a slut. I don't know why I didn't see it coming."

"Me neither," said James and smiled. It wasn't his usual sheepish grin, but more of a genuine smile that sent chills down Lily's spine.

_Oh no_, she thought and glanced into the sky in the ceiling, _dear God, why are you doing this to me?_

"What, did I say something wrong?" James asked curiously.

"What? No, I was just… thinking."

"Well," he said as he scraped his plate, "I'd better get going. Want to drop in to see Remus before Transfiguration starts. See you in class."

Lily merely nodded as her eyes followed James as he walked out of the Great Hall. _Please, H, hurry and write back. I need you._

* * *

As the second class of the day – Defence Against the Dark Arts – ended and it was time for lunch, Lily was even more sick and tired of her friends not speaking. Aurora and Sirius seemed inseparable so Lily allowed herself to hang with Elisabeth without feeling guilty – though Aurora kept throwing her angry glances during the two lessons, which was annoying Lily so much that she, as the professor announced the end of the class, quickly made up her mind to reunite her friends. She grabbed Elisabeth by the arm and hurried after Aurora and Sirius.

"Hey! Aurora! Hey! Wait up!" she shouted.

Sirius stopped resolutely and Aurora hesitated but brought herself to a halt anyway.

"If you'll excuse us, Sirius," Lily said, "may I borrow Aurora over lunch?" As Sirius nodded approvingly, Lily grabbed Aurora by the arm with her own free arm and dragged her two best friends off to the first deserted corridor that came along.

"Okay, so we're going to have a little talk," she announced as she let go of her friends. "Here's the deal: I'm _sick and tired_ of you two not speaking, and it has only been half a day. I _know_ that neither one of you wants to be the first to apologize, so I'm thinking we could skip the apologizing. We are all different and our opinions will divert from time to time, but that is not reason enough for anyone to break this friendship off. We've been friends for more then five years and not one of us would be where we are today without the others. Anyone who breaks up this friendship over such trifles will have me to deal with!"

Elisabeth and Aurora stared at her in silence. Finally, Aurora spoke. "Wow," she said. "What an… _inflammatory_ speech."

Lily took a deep breath and continued, a bit calmer. "So, friends again?"

"Group hug," said Elisabeth and the three girls dived into a good, old group hug.

"Lunch anyone?" Lily asked innocently as they emerged from the hug and her friends nodded.

"But seriously, Lily," Aurora said as the three of them headed off towards the Great Hall, "it was only a little quarrel, no need to get that upset… Not that your speech wasn't great, though," she added quickly.

"Yeah," said Elisabeth, "you've seemed a little tense lately. Is everything alright?"

Lily shrugged. "Everything's building inside of me," she said. "Lot of things going on right now. Loads of homework, and the whole letter thing, I'm worrying about what H will think about me when he gets to know me; I'm worrying that it will all be some weird prank. And…" she trailed off.

"And?" Elisabeth urged softly.

"And I'm confused by James Potter," Lily muttered.

"What?" Aurora asked curiously. "Something going on with you two?"

"No," Lily said.

"I thought you were friends."

"We are."

"Are you having feelings for him?" Elisabeth asked.

"No!" Lily exclaimed. "But I'm surprised by how… _nice_ he has become. I can actually _talk_ to him. It just feels… weird."

"People change," Aurora said.

"Speaking of… boys," Lily said, "you and Sirius? Seriously?"

Aurora shrugged. "I don't know what happened. All of a sudden we were… yeah."

"You like him?"

"He's nice."

"I wonder how long it will last this time," Elisabeth said jokingly.

"Dangerous grounds, Lis, dangerous grounds," Aurora replied.

The girls laughed as they entered the Great Hall.

* * *

"Oi, Prongs," Sirius called as he hurried after James after the afternoon's classes. "What's the hurry?"

"I'm curious to see whether Harry has gotten any reply," James explained. "I'm beginning to think that mystery girl might not have fallen for him."

"That would be a shame," panted Sirius.

"Speaking of girls," James said, "you still haven't explained how come you're all of a sudden dating the Aurora girl."

Sirius shrugged. "She's cute, isn't she?"

"Hasn't she got a bit of a slut record?"

"Haven't I?" grinned Sirius.

"I guess you're right," James said, "when one comes to think about it, you two are like, the perfect match. Are you serious about her?"

"I dunno," Sirius shrugged, "I'm just gonna go with the flow."

"She seems nice," James said. "It's about time you had a relationship that lasted more than two weeks…"

Sirius slapped him playfully on the arm. "And I'm taking love life advice from you? Yeah, you've been so lucky lately…"

"Dude! I'm just over Evans. I'm looking for a new object as we speak."

"If you want, I could fix you up with someone. I know a really nice Ravenclaw girl."

"What do you mean, know? You slept with her? Dude, I don't want your cast-offs."

"No, I did not sleep with her," Sirius said, "I tried, but she refused and threw a tantrum and we've been friends ever since. Bit like you and Evans, especially now that you guys are friends."

"We have the funniest ways of making new acquaintances," James mused.

By now they had reached not only the Gryffindor common room, but also the boys' dormitories. James looked underneath his pillow, where the letter would be as they had used him as exposure when writing the reply. And what was there, if not an envelope marked with _'H'_.

_Dear 'H',_

_What can I say, you did catch my eye. You left me wanting more and I'm curious about you. I have tons of questions, but I wouldn't want to fire them off or it would seem like some sort of interrogation, and that wouldn't be how I want to start this relationship off._

_I should also be telling you something interesting about myself, I believe, but as you said, it's hard to present oneself in a proper way. I'm not quite as interesting as I tried to sound in the ad, I suppose, but I expect you to already have that figured out. In my free time, I enjoy just _being_, hanging out with my friends in the school yard, listening to music or reading, especially muggle books. What about you?_

_And what does 'H' stand for?_

_Love,_

_Me_

"We caught her eye!" James grinned satisfactorily. "You reckon we should wait for Moony to write the replay?"

Sirius nodded. "Well," he said slowly, "you'll have to admit – neither you nor me, is anywhere near as good with words as him."

"I'll just write a draft, then," said James, and he rummaged about in his trunk, looking for a quill and a piece of parchment.

"You're really thrilled about this."

James shrugged. "It's kind of exciting, don't you think?"

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Listen, I'm going to meet Aurora before we head off to the Shrieking Shack. I'll meet you and Wormtail in the common room in an hour?"

James nodded absently and began scratching on the parchment.

* * *

**Author's Note:** On Saturday I'm off to Spain, I'm planning on having a lovely week and returning all tanned and happy. Thereafter I'm starting full time at my job, meaning less time to write, though I'll probably be able to find the time if I feel inspired enough. Which I do if you review. wink, wink 


	7. Mixed Up Feelings

**Author's Note:** Thanks a lot for all your reviews, they mean a lot. I won't reply individually though, as what I've really got to say to each and everyone of you is just 'thank you'. So, thank you.

And thanks to beta.

* * *

**Chapter 7**** – Mixed Up Feelings**

_The last rays of light were disappearing slowly down the horizon and took the last warmth of the day with them. But Lily didn't freeze, for she was wrapped up in his arms. With his strong arms, muscular from all the quidditch he'd played, around her, she leaned her head against his chest and felt his breath on her forehead. Tilting her head slightly backwards, she stared into the hazel eyes of James Potter, who bent down and kissed her carefully on the tip of her nose._

And she awoke with a start.

"Oh crap," she muttered.

It had been so real. She brought her hand up to her face, touching her nose lightly – the nose James had kissed so lightly just seconds before.

"Crap," she said again.

Nowadays, not only did he imbue all of her day – he was in the back of her head from the moment she woke up in the morning to the second she fell asleep late in the evening – but now he had also begun to disturb her sleep. Her precious beauty sleep.

_Maybe it's a part of his plan_, _maybe he's using Legillemency to get to me_, Lily mused, but immediately crossed that thought out. Sure, James was an accomplished wizard (well, he certainly _would_ be, had he put more effort into his studies), but she doubted he'd be able to create those dreams. Besides, he wasn't chasing her anymore… was he? He said he wasn't, and he certainly didn't seem to be. He hadn't asked her out one single time the whole year.

_But maybe it's all a part of his plan_, Lily thought again. Maybe he was pretending to not be interested so that she would be interested.

"Get a grip," Lily muttered to herself. He was a boy, not a girl. Girls could do such things as making complex plans of how to make the boy of their desire fall in love with them, but she had never heard of a boy who had done such things. And she certainly could not imagine James actually carrying out such a plan, which he would have to have been doing for the past month.

Besides, given that he was still in love with her, he had never been the type who'd try to trick her into falling in love with him.

_So_, Lily thought, _if James isn't responsible for that dream, who is?_

_I am._

_Oh, just perfect._

* * *

_Don't look right. Don't look right. Don't look right_, Lily chanted inside her head.

Why not, you might wonder? Why mustn't she look to her right?

Well, the answer is quite simple. Five seats down to her right, James Potter was enjoying breakfast. And for some reason – she didn't know why, but she somehow felt overly emotional today – she found that to be an absolutely wonderful sight. Come what may, she felt entranced by the glimpse of his tongue she could catch when he opened his mouth to shove in some more food, the way his cheeks were moving when he chewed and the way his Adam's apple jolted as he swallowed. She didn't know what to do with her emotions at the sight of this. She didn't know whether to cry, laugh or maybe just walk over and kiss him?

No, no, delete the last. _She didn't want to kiss Potter._ No way, she couldn't want that.

However, to avoid the internal wars she had to fight at the sight of Potter, she stared down at her still half-filled plate. She felt sick.

"Lily, are you quite alright?" Elisabeth asked. "You look pale."

"Fine," said Lily and continued not eating.

"Something's bothering you…Is it H? School? Family?" Aurora tried. "Potter?"

"SHUSH!" Lily cried out. "Stop saying his name."

Aurora glanced at Elisabeth, who gave her a warning look as though not to say anything more.

"I don't feel very well," Lily mumbled and rose abruptly from the table.

Ignoring her friends' curious glances, she strode out of the Great Hall.

* * *

"Evans is acting weirdly," Sirius commented.

"What?" James asked, trying to sound like he didn't care.

"She just stormed out of the room," Sirius reported, "leaving her friends looking quite confused."

James turned around in his seat to look at the doors.

"Wonder what's up," he said quietly and bit his lip, something that earned him curious glances from his friends.

* * *

She could barely see anything for the tears blurring her vision. She needed some fresh air, so she pushed up the big front doors of the castle and strode out on the Hogwarts grounds. She walked at a high speed towards the lake.

Standing on a rock on the sea shore, she opened her mouth and began to scream. She screamed her lungs out until she didn't have any air left. Then she leaned against a tree and stood there, panting, while time and place stopped existing.

This was not like her. And she decided, right there on the spot, that she wasn't going to make a habit out of it. She had been completely out of character for the last days but that was going to change. She was a disciplined and bright girl, and she was going to focus. She was going to push Potter out of her head and she wasn't going to let him get to her anymore.

Meanwhile, she was going to focus on 'H'. At least he liked her back.

Glancing at her watch, she realized that she was supposed to be in class in no more than three minutes, and she began running towards the castle. Lily Evans was never late to class. Never had been, never would be. And definitely not because of James Potter.

To whom she was never to speak a word again. Or think about.

* * *

Lily Evans was never late to class. Never had been, never would be. James scanned the room for the red-head but he couldn't find her. And now Professor McGonagall closed the door.

It took five more minutes before the door was opened and Lily tried to sneak in unnoticed, but nothing really escaped Professor McGonagall's observations.

"Miss Evans? You're late."

"Sorry, Professor," Lily said and slid into an empty seat in the front.

"I'm going to let it slip this time," said the professor, "but I don't want any more late arrivals from you."

"No, Professor."

James bent forwards over his desk to study her more closely. Her hair was a bit messy though nothing extreme – just not laying perfectly like usually –, her cheeks were a light red and she was panting slightly, as though she'd been running to get there in time.

James didn't pay much attention during class. He wanted to talk to Lily, ask her what was going on. He was concerned about her and felt protective. Whoever or whatever was causing her to feel bad, he wanted to destroy.

She disappeared quickly after class, but James grabbed his book and hurried after, ignoring the looks from his friends.

"Lily! Lily! Wait!"

She didn't wait.

"Lily! Hey!" he caught up with her and grabbed her arm.

"Leave me alone, Potter," she sneered and jerked her arm back before heading off down the corridor.

James stood still, staring after her. Had he done something? Had he given her any reason to be mad at him? He certainly didn't think so.

Maybe she was just back to being her old self.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," Elisabeth said to Lily as the three girls headed back to the common room after the last class of the day.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you this morning," Lily said. "I've been stressed out lately."

"It's probably the hormones," Aurora said.

"I hate the hormones," Elisabeth muttered. "Reason behind all of my zits."

"You haven't got any zits," protested Lily and Aurora.

"Yes I do," Elisabeth said, "I'm just good at covering them up…"

"Oh, have you heard who's going out with Ernie Jefferson?" Aurora asked in an appalled voice.

Lily smiled and looked up, only in time to see James pass with his friends. She knew he knew she was there, but he didn't even bother to look at her.

But that was what she had wanted.

So that was alright.

Or so she told herself.

* * *

"You and Evans had a fight?" Sirius asked curiously.

"What?" James asked. "No…"

"You're totally avoiding each other," Sirius said. "You're not even looking at each other."

"I thought you were friends?" Peter asked.

James shrugged. "She seems mad at me. I dunno why, though. Not that I care."

"Right-o," Sirius said.

"No, seriously!" James said. "I've given up on Lily Evans. I don't really care. I'm going to focus on… someone- something else."

"You've fallen for the girl we've been writing to?" Sirius said.

James shrugged again. "I like her," he said.

"About that," Remus said, "I'm not sure I want to do it anymore. It's getting to serious."

"Remmy!" James exclaimed. "How am I ever going to get her to like me without your wit and way with words?"

Remus glared at him. "Have you ever considered that maybe she isn't liking _you_ when _I'm_ writing the letter," he said.

"I wrote the last letter," James protested.

Remus said, "Yes, and it was good. I think you can take care of that yourself from now on."

"Wormtail," said Sirius, "I think we really ought to leave this girl to Jamie," – at this nickname he earned a light punch on the arm from James – "don't you think?"

Peter shrugged. "Yeah."

* * *

Lily tore up the envelope in a completely un-Lily-ish way.

"Well?" Aurora asked curiously. "What's he writing?"

"Do you mind, guys?" Lily said. "I'd really like some time to read this to myself first."

"Fine," Aurora said and demonstratively picked up a random book from her bedside table and began flicking through the pages. Elisabeth remained sitting silently on her bed, watching Lily.

_Dear you,_

_You shoot your questions, I'm not that easily scared. _

_H stands for Harry, which is not my real name, but what you will have to know me as for now. Giving away our identities would kind of ruin the fun, don't you think? We have so many prejudices. It's better to get to know each other this way._

_I'm a bit surprised as to where you manage to find free time; you mentioned that you were in one of the upper years, and we've got quite a lot of studying to do. So I guess that would make you either a very careless person (not studying albeit we have so much work to do) or an exceptionally bright student (not having to study because you're so freakin' smart). Which one could it be, say?_

_As for what I enjoy doing in my free time, I'm not that picky. I'm not one for planning, but I like hanging out with my friends. And I like quidditch. You don't happen to like quidditch? I support the Ballycastle Bats. If you're a Appleby Arrows's fan, you don't have to bother replying._

_Just kidding._

_Well, it's getting late and I need my precious beauty sleep. I'd dream about you, if I only knew who you are._

_Love,_

_Harry_

She rummaged about in her trunk for her favourite quill and a piece of parchment. She couldn't wait to reply.


	8. What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

**Author's Note:** Wow, I feel so inspired I wrote the next chapter already. (You know you love me!)

I'm not sure when the next update will be due to a lot of stuff like; my work, my beta going away, the release of _The Deathly Hallows_, you know… life. But I've made a deadline for finishing this story, which would be around the 20th of august, which is when school starts again. And then I'll most certainly not have the time to be writing.

Yeah … enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 8: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger**

"Shush," Lily whispered as she stroked Aurora's hair, "it'll be alright…"

"You're worth more," Elisabeth tried.

It was 2 AM and the three of them were seated in Aurora's bed. Their two dorm mates were since long asleep, and Lily had put a silencing charm around their beds so that they wouldn't be disturbed.

"_What is wrong with me_?!" Aurora wailed (Lily was slightly worried that the silencing charm around their dorm mates' beds wasn't enough, she ought to have silenced the dormitories above and underneath them as well). "Why can't I have a serious – don't you dare use that joke – relationship with _anyone_?!" She sobbed. "I'm going to end up like some old bachelorette! I'm never going to get married, I-"

"I'll be okay," Lily said. "You'll find someone-"

"No I won't! Guys only see me as a slut! That's apparently what _he_ did!"

"No," Elisabeth said, "you-"

"You even said so yourself once!" Aurora pointed out.

"I didn't mean it," Elisabeth tried, "please, Aurora honey-"

Aurora said nothing, just continued sobbing.

"Why did he break up with you anyway?" Lily asked quietly.

"He's a complete idiot!" Aurora cried out. "He was all like, 'oh, Aurora, I think this is going too fast, you see, I'm not ready for a serious relationship' – _I'm not ready for a serious relationship_, that's the oldest excuse ever! How _dare_ he! How dare he! How dare he!"

"Well," Elisabeth said, "you know, maybe it's true. Sirius Black has never been one for serious relationships, has he?"

"_How dare you take his side!_" Aurora wailed.

"I'm not taking his side!" Elisabeth exclaimed. "But if it's true, that'd prove that there's absolutely nothing wrong with _you_, and you'll probably find someone eventually."

"You think?" Aurora sobbed.

Lily and Elisabeth nodded. "You'll find someone," Elisabeth said. "I'm absolutely positive. You just gotta be patient."

"And remember," said Lily, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

* * *

_Dear Harry,_

_Being the one who sought contact through a personal advert in the lonely hearts column of the school's magazine, you'd think I know all about prejudices and wanted to get away from it. I suppose some would say I have had my fair share of prejudice, but only from those I don't care about anyway. But I'm afraid to say I might be very prejudicial myself. I often judge people based on their actions way back, or their reputations, and I'm often wrong. I had such a situation recently and I'm afraid it went quite out of hand and now it's all ruined._

_But, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?_

_As for the two stereotypes you tried to make me choose between, I'm neither, though some people might see me as the exceptionally bright student – prejudices again, here we go. I see myself as an efficient and hard working girl, but naturally, you're right – we haven't really got any free time. I suppose I was referring to holidays or vacations, then?_

_I am truly sorry for disappointing you, but I'm not a big quidditch fan. I have never really gotten acquainted with the game myself, as I have never played it, due to my great fear of heights. I'm not much of a flyer; I prefer to keep myself grounded._

_Normally, I would have tossed your letter away when I read about your quidditch obsession (or is it just healthy interest?), that would be my prejudices making my decisions once again. My experience tells me that quidditch players are shallow and self-centered. (I assume you play quidditch yourself? Are you perhaps on one of the house teams?) But I've already seen that there's more to you than the shallowness of quidditch players, so here I am, writing your response._

_Hope you did get your beauty sleep – I certainly didn't get mine as I had to sit up until four AM comforting my best friend._

_Love,_

_Me_

* * *

_Well this was awkward_, Lily thought as she and James made their way back to the Gryffindor common room in the evening a few days later after having attended to some Head Boy and Girl duties. Normally on those occasions, one of them would dash off with some lousy excuse, or even without telling the other if he/she was exchanging a few words with one of the prefect or somebody else. But tonight, they both had finished at the exact same time, and neither one of them had seemed to be able to come up with some excuse. Therefore, they had began a dead quiet walk back towards the common room, which they now had been enjoying – er, enduring – for the past minutes.

Lily glanced at James, who seemed to be focused on the end of the corridor that they were walking through. Things were really screwed up.

Both of them seemed greatly relieved when they got to climb through the portrait hole and enter the warmth of the Gryffindor common room.

Lily scanned the room to see if her friends were there, and was a bit surprised to see Aurora sitting in Sirius's lap, laughing and whispering something into his ear. They were snuggling in one of the two couches facing each other by the fire. Next to the couple sat Remus Lupin, ignoring Sirius and Aurora's activities and instead engaging in a conversation with Peter Pettigrew, who was sitting opposite him. Next to Pettigrew sat Elisabeth, looking quite uncomfortable. As she spotted Lily, she immediately rose and headed over.

"What on earth happened?" Lily asked curiously and nodded towards Sirius and Aurora.

Elisabeth made big eyes. "I have no idea! We were just sitting there and I thought she was a bit distracted, and then she said that we were to sit next to them, and all of a sudden they were making out."

"So, did they make up or what?"

"Er, I guess? Or, not that I know. Oh I don't know. And I witnessed it. I don't get it."

"She's gifted," Lily mused.

Yes, Aurora sure was gifted when it came to boys (whether or not she thought so herself the previous night). In a month's time, she had managed to go out with Ernie Jefferson, let the relationship with Ernie Jefferson peter out, flirt with John Jones and a number of other boys, get acquainted with Sirius Black, get into a relationship with Sirius Black, break up with Sirius Black, and then get back together with Sirius Black.

What had Lily achieved in the same month? _A penpal_.

Had she had Aurora's gifts, she'd have achieved a dozen penpals, of which she'd have met and slept with half of them, she'd have had a relationship with Potter and broken up with him a dozen times, she'd have snuck out to Hogsmeade with that Ravenclaw boy… the list was long.

But no, she had achieved nothing of that. She just had her penpal. And she was desperate to get upstairs to see if he had found the time to reply yet.

And as she had hoped, there was a letter waiting for her when she arrived.

_Dear you,_

_Surely that was your prejudices playing tricks again. You thought that I, only because I mentioned that I enjoy quidditch, am stupid enough to reveal whether or not I play on one of the house teams. I am not, and I cannot stress this enough, stupid; in fact, I'm very well aware of the fact that such a revelation would narrow the number of people who I could possibly be down to quite few._

_Therefore, I will be leaving that question of yours unanswered._

_As for prejudices in general, I've been the subject of a lot of those recently. Like you said, many people judge you on your precious actions. But truth is, people _do_ change. They really do. Although, the saying 'once a thief, always a thief' might be true, as people don't switch from dark to good in just one night._

_I'm rambling. Does what I say make any sense? I don't even seem to have a clear point._

_That saying you mentioned, 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' has seemed to be very frequently applicable in my life recently. I won't go into details, but it's a good saying. I use it almost like a mantra._

_If we ever do get to meet, I'll take you flying. When done properly, you'll realize that the height isn't scary at all, but in fact beautiful. Hogwarts with surroundings from above is one of the most beautiful scenes that I've ever seen._

_So I assure you, you did not disappoint me with your dislike of flying and quidditch. That just means that I get the honour of showing you the greatness of both of those things._

_Hope your friend is alright. And you too, of course._

_Love,_

_Harry_

Lily snatched out a piece of parchment and a quill from her trunk to start writing a reply, when the thought hit her.

She didn't want to write to 'Harry'. She wanted to _snuggle_ with him.

How wonderful this whole getting-to-know-each-other-thing might be; she did long for the closeness of another person. She wanted to feel the warmth of his body, she wanted to get cozy with him in the common room – well, given he was a Gryffindor, but any place would do –, she wanted to have him walk her to her classes, she wanted to study with him in the library, and she even wanted him to take her flying.

No, wait, delete the last one. She wasn't really sure of the flying-thing, no matter how pretty the sight of the Hogwarts grounds at sunset might be. It wouldn't be so pretty anyway when she had thrown up all over him due to her problem with heights.

An idea started to form in her head. It was dangerous. Well, not maybe lethally dangerous, but it was scary. And not very Lily-ish at all.

But she was going to do it.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Mwahahahaha! What is Lily up to?! Those who guess correctly will have the next chapter dedicated to them.

I think we've gotten about half way through the story, my very rough outline includes 15 or so chapters, though that may change when stuff takes more chapters than I've estimated.

Review and guess, my lovely people!


	9. What Doesn't Kill You  Reloaded

**Update:** Fixed small things, no need to re-read it.

**Author's Note:** I am embarrassing. Well, not a lot. I did warn you that this chapter might take a while due to various reasons, and it's only been a bit over a week I think. But the embarrassing part is that I actually _forgot_ that I had a story in writing for a couple of days. How weird. I just found the folder on my Desktop and was like, "oh, right…" – but no worries, I'm back on track now.

I promised this chapter would be dedicated to those who guessed correctly on the question in the Author's Note on the previous chapter, so this chapter is dedicated to **stardust718** and **IAMaMUDBLOOD**, who guessed correctly, and sort of dedicated to **Elva is watching you.** who indeed _did_ guess correctly but sort of cheated by having multiple guesses :P (Oh, I guess I never mentioned that you should only have one guess… sorry.) If I missed someone with a correct guess, I am truly indeed very sorry and I do apologize.

Er, enough with the ranting. Usual thank-yous to all reviewers (_you mean the world to me!_) and beta.

* * *

**Chapter 9: What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger, Reloaded**

"Er, Prongs?" Sirius asked tentatively. "Are you alright?"

James had just let out a kind of squeal, which was quite unlike him, and was now staring at the recently arrived letter from his so-called pen-pal.

"Prongs! Oi!" Sirius tried again and James handed him the letter without a word in response.

_Dear Harry,_

_I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but after reading your latest letters I've been hit by an urge to meet you._

_I really don't want to push it; I know you said it was better to get to know you well enough through these letters, but I love the parts of you I've seen through our correspondence and I just think that... well, I think I know you well enoughto not be drawn into any prejudices if it turns out you're someone with whom I'm already acquainted in real life._

_If you don't want to, I'll understand. We don't have to give up our correspondence or anything; no pressure. But if you want to meet me, I'll be waiting by the beech tree on the edge of the lake at, say, 4 PM this Saturday? Just please tell me if you aren't coming so I don't have to wait in vain? (And don't even think about spying to find out who I am while you stay unrevealed!)_

_But really, if you don't feel ready, no pressure. It wouldn't change anything._

_Love,_

_Me_

"Oi," said Sirius. "That was kind of unexpected."

"You reckon I should do it?" James asked.

"Um, yeah? To be honest, aren't you getting a bit bored only writing those letters? Seriously?"

"Yeah, but…" James trailed off, "what if it doesn't work out?"

"Well, then you'll know! And you wouldn't have wasted all this time writing to her."

"I s'ppose…"

"C'mon, Prongs! Where is the James who would never duck out on a bit of adventure?"

"Well, he sort of disappeared this summer…"

A not entirely comfortable silence set between them.

"Sorry," said Sirius gently – which was probably the most out-of-character you'd ever get to see him, for Sirius was normally neither a gentle nor an apologizing man. "I didn't mean to-"

"Doesn't matter," said James. "Enough with this sensitive talk – what are you, some kind of bird?"

* * *

"Thank God it's Friday again!" Aurora exclaimed as they turned round a corner and the door to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom became visible.. "Only one more class to go!"

"Speak for yourself," muttered Elisabeth, "I've got tons and tons of things to do…"

"And you're meeting with this Harry-guy, aren't you?" Aurora asked Lily.

"Shush! Not so loud!"

"Sorry," said Aurora and glanced around. "I don't think anyone heard. Anyway… nervous?"

"Yes," responded Lily simply.

The girls frowned as Albus Dumbledore emerged from the classroom. He merely looked around on the students' slightly surprised faces and said, "Well, good-day to you all!" before heading off.

"Maybe he's taken to expand his pacing from his office to the whole school?" the girls heard Peter Pettigrew suggest to his fellow Marauders.

"Well, good-evening, class!" the Professor greeted them brightly as they had all settled down. "Today we're going to do something _fun_!"

At once, James and Sirius raised their eyebrows skeptically – the teachers' opinions of _fun_ weren't always the same as theirs.

"We'll finally be practicing the Impediment curse in pairs! I take it you all have done your homework so that you are all able to master the spell? Yes?"

The class nodded – not because they actually had done their homework, but because no one was stupid enough to admit that they haven't.

"Very well then! I shall divide you into pairs…"

Some of them groaned. "Excuse me, Professor!" A Hufflepuff boy in the back had raised his hand. "Can't we choose our partners ourselves?"

"No, I think we ought to do it like this!" their professor responded merrily. "Very well, then…" And he started reading out names. "…Evans, and Potter…"

James moaned quietly and glanced at Lily, who looked indifferent.

Which was worse than if she'd been angry or annoyed or whatever.

The only thing worse than Lily not liking him was her being indifferent about him.

Her mind seemed to have set on _no small talk_ for when approached, she said instantly, "Would you like to begin, or shall I?"

"Er," said James, "I guess I'll start, then?"

He pointed his wand at her and with a little flick he murmured, "_Impedimenta_!"

Being the talented wizard he was, James did – albeit the lack of studying – get it right at the first attempt and Lily froze.

"Nice work, Mr. Potter!" the Professor greeted him. "Miss Evans is due to unfreeze in a minute or so…"

Meanwhile, James watched the other pairs in work. Sirius and Remus were doing just fine, but Peter seemed to have a little problem. Nothing seemed to happen to his partner of the hour, who happened to be Elisabeth.

"Haven't you been studying?" she asked impatiently and shifted her weight to one foot. "You're pronouncing it slightly wrong, shall I show you how to-"

"I know how to do it!" Peter cut her off. "Just let me try!" He made a slightly too big wave with his wand and pronounced _Impedimenta_ slightly wrong once more, and set off a jet of light in the wrong colour. Elisabeth ducked and the jet hit Lily, who was just unfreezing, instead. She flew back into the bookshelf.

"Crap," muttered Peter and made a movement as to head over to where Lily was.

"No! You idiot!" exclaimed Elisabeth and hurried over.

But James beat her to it. "Lily?" he asked uncertainly.

"I'm okay," she muttered and sat up. "Ouch."

"What?" asked Elisabeth worringly.

"My shoulder, I think it's- ow," she moaned as she tried to move her arm. "It's not quite alright."

The Professor, who had hurried to the scene, bent down and examined Lily's shoulder carefully, while Lily's eyes filled with tears from the pain.

"It looks like it might be dislocated," concluded the Professor. "Miss Johnson," she said to Elisabeth, "return to practice with Mr. Pettigrew. And please _do_ teach him how to pronounce _Impedimenta_, thank you. Mr. Pettigrew, please listen to Miss Johnsson. And Mr. Potter," she said, turning to James, "please accompany Miss Evans to the hospital wing. I could try and fix your shoulder but I'm positive that Madam Pomfrey will do a better job."

Allowing James to help her up by taking her uninjured arm, Lily rose from the floor and the two of them left the classroom for the hospital wing in silence.

"I'm so sorry," James said after a while, "Peter doesn't know what he's doing, he shouldn't really be allowed with a wand…"

"You ought to stop apologizing on your friends' behalves," Lily said and groaned as she moved her arm a millimeter.

"I guess you're right," James said and looked worriedly at her.

"Don't worry," said Lily who had caught his glance, "I'll be fine. You know what they say… what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

James stopped dead. "Er, what?"

"Did I say something wrong?" Lily asked nervously.

"No, no… I must have heard you wrong." He began walking again.

"I said that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," Lily repeated.

"Right," James said.

_This was not happening._ No, most definitely not happening. It couldn't possibly be Lily who was the girl in the ad. It couldn't possibly be Lily whom he had been writing to for the past month. No, no, no.

He glanced nervously at her. Of course it was Lily. Why hadn't he realized earlier? The letters, the way she expressed herself. Of course it was Lily. How could he have _not noticed_?!

The relief James experienced when the doors to the hospital wing was within reach was enormous.

"Um," he said as they had entered and Madam Pomfrey was hurrying towards them, "right. I've got to run. I hope Madam Pomfrey can fix your arm. Er… get well soon."

James sprinted through the corridors back to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, but the class had ended five minutes ago and his friends had already disappeared. He therefore hurried through the corridors to the Gryffindor common room, where he found them.

"Crisis," he panted, "emergency meeting in the dorm _now_!"

The rest of the marauders hurried after him up to the boys' dormitories. James carefully shut the door behind them and muttered, "_Muffliato_!" – just in case.

"Well?" Remus questioned. "What is it this time?"

"She's Lily!" James exclaimed. "Lily Evans! Evans! Lily!"

"Um," said Sirius, "James, mate, calm down. What about Evans?"

"_She_ is Evans."

"Who is Evans?" Remus asked, confused.

"The girl I've been freakin' corresponding with!"

"What?!"

"_What?!_"

"_Seriously?_"

There was no lack of surprise in his friends' reactions.

"How do you know?" Peter asked finally.

"She used an expression that's been sort of an intern... thing. Not a joke, but a thing."

"Well, is it a common expression?" Remus asked reasonably.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," James quoted.

"That one's famous," Sirius pointed out. "You don't know for sure-"

"I know, okay?" James exclaimed. "Just reading the letters, it seems just like her. I'm absolutely positive it's her."

"I'm still not convinced," said Sirius. "Maybe we could trick the house elves handling the mail into revealing her identity." He grinned sheepishly.

"What are you going to do?" Peter asked.

"I don't know!" James was rubbing his head frantically. "I'll have to confront her tomorrow, I wrote the response days ago."

"Maybe you don't have to," Sirius suggested. "Just write and apologize for not showing up, and then you can say that your grandma got sick or whatever and you have to leave school."

"No," said James, "no, no, I've got to go. I can't let her down."

"Apart from the whole meeting-thing," Remus said, "what are you going to do? Do you want to keep corresponding?"

"I can't, can I?" James said moodily. "Lily hates me nowadays. I'll just have to confront her tomorrow, and then I'll have to live with the disappointment I brought with that. I'll just have to apologize to her."

"_Apologize_?!" Sirius intervened. "Apologize my ass!"

"For once, Sirius is actually right," Remus added with a small grin. "You have nothing to apologize for, have you?"

James said nothing but merely shook his head, looking confused.

"Well," Sirius said in a desperate attempt to cheer James up, "at least… you'll get closure?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Just a quick note to remind you of the review feature this wonderful site has brought.  


	10. Underneath the Beech Tree

**Author's Note: **Between 2:44 AM and 4:05 AM on the 31 of July, I got 26 emails from with Reviews and Story Subscriptions from you. Did I miss something; was my story featured somewhere or how come so many of you read it within that one and a half hour?

**WronskiFeint** – I would love to have them speaking more British English, I think that'd be lovely. Only it doesn't always come naturally from me, but I'm doing my best. I made a bit of an extra effort here in this chapter, I don't know if anyone notices?

Thanks a lot (I cannot seem to emphasize "a lot" enough) to all of my reviewers. I love you. Seriously. Marry me please? (That was a taste of my weird sense of humor, perhaps it's a good thing I'm not writing a humor story. Ha.) And thanks to beta.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Underneath the Beech Tree**

"Chocolate muffin?" Aurora tried, but Lily only shook her head.

"I can't eat, I'm so nervous," she confessed.

"Well that's only to expect," Elisabeth said. "But you really ought to eat _something_, and you didn't have any breakfast either."

"You wouldn't want to pass out in the middle of your date, would you?" Aurora asked.

"Fine," Lily said, and she took a muffin and began picking it.

"Well," said Elisabeth and glanced nervously on her watch, "only 119 minutes to go!"

"Oh will you stop it!" Lily sighed but glanced at her watch. "117, according to mine."

"Right, but my watch goes according to national-"

"Guys!" Aurora interrupted. "You are being ridiculous. What are you going to wear, Lily?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know… jeans and a shirt, I suppose?"

Aurora bit her lip. "Hmm."

"Aurora, please," Elisabeth, "he has already fallen for her. The _real _her. A mini skirt and makeup enough for a whore isn't going to help."

Aurora just gaped. "Is that really what you think of me?!"

"Guys!" Lily interrupted. "Please, please, please, I do not have the strength to endure another one of your fights."

"I'm sorry," Elisabeth said. "But please tell what you had in mind, if not a mini skirt and heavy makeup."

"I don't know," Aurora said, still sounding a bit offended, "I was thinking of how to best make her look gorgeous – _not that you aren't already_," she added with a nervous glance at Lily, "without looking too dressed-up, if you know what I mean? It's kind of tricky, seeing as it's sort of a date, but not really a _date_ date, but more of a casual date…" she trailed off.

"Well," Lily said with a weak smile, "you're supposed to be the expert, aren't you?"

"Maybe just jeans and a top, like you said," Aurora said hesitatingly. "Yeah. Oh, I've got a top that would look lovely on you. And you could borrow my ballerina shoes. And then just a cardigan. And I'll blow-wave your hair, and do your makeup. Just a little bit of makeup. _Not in the style of a whore_," she added to Elisabeth.

"You'll do that?" Lily asked gratefully. "I know I'm usually not that obsessed with my appearance but this meeting is really important to me…"

"Aurora's suggestion sounds nice," Elisabeth said. "Really."

"Yay!" Aurora squealed. "Shall we head back to the dormitories and get started, then?"

* * *

"So, Prongs, have you decided what to tell her?" Sirius asked for what appeared to be the millionth time that day.

"I said no!" James snapped.

"A little cranky, are we?" Sirius teased.

"Oh shut up will you? And for your information, I decided not to plan a speech. Instead I'll be speaking from the heart."

"But I thought you weren't going to tell her you love her again?"

"I'm not!"

"Well that's a paradox," Sirius said.

"Hey! How many times have I told you I'm over Evans?"

"Too many," Remus put in, "and we still don't believe it…"

"Why not?"

"The way you look at her, the way to jump at our throats if we ever mention her, the way you consciously ignore her, the way you-"

"We know you, that's all," Sirius concluded.

"Well whatever I feel for her doesn't matter anyway," James said. "There's been to much water under the… what is it that you say?"

"The bridge," Remus informed him.

"Right," James said, "there's been too much water under the bridge, then!"

"Seriously, Prongs," Sirius said, "what happened between you two this year? I have so not been able to keep up."

James shrugged. "It's been so much crap back and forth and back and forth so I have no bloody idea!"

"It's almost four o'clock," Peter spoke up.

"Crap," muttered James and rose. "Um, yeah, I'll see you later then. If she hasn't killed me by then," he added with a lopsided grin.

"Good luck, mate," Sirius said solemnly.

"Yeah, good luck," Remus said. "Try not to break her heart."

"Good luck," echoed Peter.

* * *

With only one tiny minute left to four o'clock in the afternoon this Saturday, Lily leaned carefully against the beech tree by the lake. Dressed in tight jeans showing off her curves, a light gray strappy top and a white cardigan, her hair lying perfectly and her eyes framed by long, dark eyelashes thanks to Aurora's muggle mascara, she knew she looked good – casual good, which was quite the point. Har- well, whatever his name was, she'd get to find out today!, he should find her attractive. At least if he was anything whatsoever into redheads.

Nervousness seemed to boil inside her and she glanced at her watch. 30 seconds. Maybe Harry would be a little late. If it was only a few minutes it would be okay, she supposed.

Lily had been so inside her own thoughts that she hadn't even realized the arrival and/or presence of another person. When he cleared his throat, she looked up, startled.

"Potter!" she exclaimed. "What are you, er, doing here?"

He looked slightly uncomfortable but whatever had happened to Potter wasn't the number one priority on her mind right now.

"Um," he said, "I… er, your shoulder healing alright?"

"It'll be fine," Lily answered, "Madam Pomfrey works wonders sometimes. I'll just have to be a little careful for a few weeks."

"Right. Um, I-"

"Listen, no offense or anything," she said, "but I'm sort of waiting for someone." She peered purposely over his shoulder.

"I know," he said.

"What?" she replied absent-mindly. "Listen, I'm sorry but whatever you want to talk about will have to wait, I said I'm meeting someone!" she exclaimed, slightly stressed by the fact that 'Harry' might turn around if he saw James Potter talking to her. She was supposed to wait alone. He'd have thought that she'd have left, or-

"Lily!" James exclaimed and grabbed her shoulders.

"Ouch!" she said and pulled away. "Dislocated, remember?!" she yelled.

"Right, sorry," said James, who was beginning to panic. This was not going the way he'd have wanted, not at all.

"Now, really, you'll have to go, I'm waiting for someone!"

"I know about Harry!"

"What?" she asked, suspiciously. "Who told you?"

And who else knew? And how on earth did they know? She didn't think the house elves handling the mailing were that easily corrupted. And Aurora or Elisabeth wouldn't have told, right?

Aurora hadn't told Sirius who'd told James, right?

She was going to till her.

"I'm going to kill her," Lily muttered.

"What? Who?" James asked confusedly.

"Aurora told Sirius, didn't she," Lily said.

"No!"

"Well then, did you blackmail the house elves?"

"No!"

"Well how do you bloody know then?!" Lily burst out.

"Because I bloody am Harry!" James yelled.

Silence. For a moment they just stood there, staring at each other.

"What?" Lily finally asked weakly.

"I wrote those letters."

"No."

"What?"

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"No!"

"But you apparently knew it was I?!" Lily was furious.

"_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger_," James quoted. "Remember?"

"No…" whispered Lily. She didn't want to believe she had been revealed due to a simple quote. No.

James nodded.

"Oh my God," Lily said quietly. "This is so not happening."

"I'm really sorry to have to disappoint you," he said.

"I guess I'll go, then," she said. "Er, bye."

And while she headed off to sulk in her dorm, James sat down on the ground, leaning on the tree, repeatedly thrusting his head backwards so that it banged lightly into the trunk.

When he had first caught sight of her underneath that tree some minutes earlier, it had become even harder to tell her. He just wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to snuggle with her, to talk to her (about almost anything but what they had actually talked about), just be around her.

He was still in love with her.

_Crap._

* * *

**Author's Note:** Soooooooo… what d'you think? I'm really anxious to see your responses to this chapter so please do hit the button down there! 


	11. Of Reasons We Can't Quite Recall

**Jeremy** – I don't know what to say… You're totally my bitch.

For the first time since I even began writing here at which was way back in 2004 (or 2003? Oh how the years go by…) I got spam-ish reviews. Which I don't appreciate. What I do appreciate, though, is all the rest of you who sent me so nice nice nice nice nice reviews. I love you.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Of Reasons We Can't Quite Recall**

"Please, Lily, come to dinner?" Elisabeth pleaded. "I can't stand watching you lying there-"

"Then just go!" Lily snapped and put her pillow on her head to shut out the sound of her two best friends talking.

"She hasn't eating anything since yesterday!" Elisabeth sighed and whispered to Aurora. "What are we going to do?"

"Tomorrow is Monday, so she'll have to get up to go to classes then. Maybe we can lure her into the Great Hall to eat something."

"She's starving! She's got to eat _now_!"

"I can hear you!" Lily cried out. "Get out! Leave me alone!"

With one last worried look towards Lily's bed, Aurora and Elisabeth left the dormitories and the common room to head for dinner. "Maybe we ought to bring her a tray with food or something," Aurora suggested.

"I suppose we'll have to try," Elisabeth said.

They had barely reached the Great Hall when someone behind them called out, "Hey!"

Sirius came out of nowhere, hurried over to Aurora and slid an arm around her waist, ignoring Elisabeth who rolled her eyes and left.

"So, I missed you at lunch, and at breakfast, and at dinner yesterday," Sirius said. "And at-"

"I'm sorry," Aurora apologized, "I've been… busy."

"I figured."

"Well yeah, Lily's sulking in her bed so I'm just here to pick up some food."

"Listen," Sirius bit his lip, "we knew she'd be upset-"

"_We_?"

"Um, James confided in me? He's my best mate, you know, my brother practically-"

"Right, sorry."

"Anyway. What should he have done? It's not his fault that she turned out to be behind that ad, I don't think she ought to be mad at him."

"You think she's overreacting?!"

"Well, I-"

"I'll tell you why she's reacting like this! She fell in love with someone who turned out to be a _fraud_!"

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND LIKE THAT!" Sirius roared.

"Well it's true!"

"I'll tell you what's true: We're finished." And with that, he spun around and made a move as to head off, but Aurora grabbed his arm.

"Are you breaking up with me?" she asked furiously.

"Maybe I am!"

He spun around and took a few steps towards the Great Hall before Aurora said, "If you leave now, you can never come back."

Sirius stopped again. "I-"

"Listen, Sirius," Aurora interrupted . "I'm sorry I insulted James, I should never have spoken that way about your best friend-"

"No, you shouldn't! But that's not why I'm breaking up with you."

"It's not?"

"No."

"Well then why are you?"

"Well… to be quite serious, all we do is snog and fight. And while the snogging has been very nice indeed, the fighting hasn't been quite as enjoyable. You can't possibly disagree…"

"I'm thinking neither of us is ready for a serious relationship."

"Right you are."

"So… this is it, then?"

"Yup."

"No more snogging."

"I didn't say that…"

"Well then I did!" Aurora exclaimed. "No more snogging. Don't you dare try to seduce me or lure me into whatever broom closet…"

"You declare yourself off limits for me?"

"Yes!"

"Fine, then! And vice versa."

"Fine!"

* * *

Elisabeth had just succeeded in getting Lily to eat a tiny baby's portion of meatballs and mashed potatoes when Aurora seemed to blast the door open.

"There you are!" she practically yelled. "Lis, I've been looking _everywhere_ for you. Why didn't you wait for me?!"

"You seemed busy with your pimp- er, sorry, _boyfriend_," Elisabeth said curtly.

"Oh will you please stop being so jealous," Aurora sneered. "And for the record, we broke up." She threw herself on her bed and drew the curtains.

Elisabeth and Lily's lack of surprise was indicated by their lack of reaction. There was no 'You did WHAT?!', neither did anyone fling the drawings open.

Instead, there was a lame "Did you?" from Elisabeth.

"You don't sound very sad," Aurora said dryly.

"Well, I'm sure the two of you will have it rollin' again by this time tomorrow…"

"Actually, no," Aurora said. "I think we're finished for real this time."

"I'm sorry," Lily spoke – this was the first thing she had said in the past fifteen minutes.

"Why did you break up?"

"Well, we fought. And then we broke up."

"What did you fight about?"

"Um… nothing special."

"Well it had to be something if it was big enough to break up over, hadn't it?"

"Yeah but the thing is that we didn't break up for the same reason as we fought."

Elisabeth groaned. "I don't understand."

"We fought over one thing," Aurora explained, "and that fight led to the breakup, but we broke up because of other reasons… sort of. Well it doesn't matter really. How are you feeling?" she asked, turning to Lily.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Humiliated," she said.

"No one knows," Aurora said. "Just the three of us, and the four of them."

"That's not really the problem," Lily said.

"Then what is?"

"I…"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you won't say anything to _anyone_."

"Promise," Aurora and Elisabeth said solemnly.

"Not even Sirius."

"We broke up!"

"Not even Remus."

"Hey, we're not-"

"Yeah sure, whatever you say."

"Seriously, we're not-"

"Whatever!" Aurora said stiffly. "I think we're losing track of what Lily was trying to tell us.

"Just swear you won't say anything? Not even to… your mummies."

"I swear!" they repeated, still solemnly.

"I think I might be… er, have fallen in… fallen in… you know. With, him. You know. Pot- er, James."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Mwahaha. Okeydokie. So they are both in love with each other but denies the other's feelings. Or something like that. I am so evil.

I am not very fond of this chapter, I think it sucks but I needed it to move the story forward. And don't ask me why I ever mixed Aurora and Sirius into the story but… oh I don't know. This was what came to me so you'll have to put up with it.

So… do you agree? Or not? And why? Please don't just be nice, tell me what you really think – it helps.

Press Go.


	12. Jamie's New Date

**Author's Note:** Ok, so here's the beta-ed version of last chapter. Sorry to disappoint you guys who were hoping for a brand new chapter, but don't loose your hopes as the next chapter is actually written and off to beta. So just one day or so.

Thanks a lot, lot, lot, to all my reviewers (both this chapters and earlier) and thanks to beta.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Jamie's New Date**

James Potter did his signature gesture once again – pulling a hand through his hair and messing it up even worse than it already was.

"So," Sirius said, "I've confirmed things with Rosanna, and she will be waiting for you outside the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room at seven o'clock."

"Which is in," Remus filled in after having glanced at his watch, "exactly two minutes."

"Oh crap," James muttered, picked up his wallet and wand from his messy bed and shoved them into his pocket. "How do I look?"

"Lovely, Jamie dear," Sirius said in a high-pitched voice and Peter giggled while Remus merely looked bored. "To be quite honest, Prongs, you've gotta get rid of them female characteristics you've been sporting lately."

"One minute to seven," Remus reported.

"So," James said, "anything I should know about this Rosanna girl? Um, allergies? Preferences? Um-"

"Just go!" Sirius, Remus and Peter said in chorus.

* * *

"Well isn't this an exciting way to spend a Friday evening!" Aurora said sarcastically and looked at her two best friends. 

The three girls were sprawled out on Lily's bed, books sprawled around them. Elisabeth looked up irritated –there had finally been some peace and quiet for the past half an hour since their two dorm mates had finished getting ready for their big dates or wherever they were going.

"Why haven't you gotten yourself a date or something then?" she asked.

Aurora glared at her. "A girl shouldn't be out and about with some new guy _every_ week, you know."

"This has never bothered you before…"

"Well yeah, but I've decided to get rid of this slut reputation you so often refer to," Aurora snapped. "No boys for a month."

At this announcement even Lily, who until then had been doing her best to ignore her friends' normal squabble, looked up from the essay she was writing. "You're serious?"

"Ha ha, very funny," Aurora said.

"What?"

"Serious, Sirius, ha ha, never gets old, does it?"

"Actually," Lily said, "I wasn't trying to joke. I was simply wondering whether or not you're really… meaning this."

"Yes!"

"Well fine then!"

There was a short silence before Aurora spoke again, "Either way – as I said, I'm bored."

Elisabeth put her book aside and said, "My concentration is lost. What do you suggest we do?"

"Well I'm not going anywhere," Lily declared. "I am so far behind with this week's homework." This was true, although a slight exaggeration. She was not as far behind as she ought to be considering the time she had spent agonizing over James. "Besides," she added in a quieter voice, "I don't want to go anywhere in case I'd bump into… them."

Aurora shot Elisabeth a glare saying that she hadn't done the right thing telling Lily about James's upcoming date. Now Lily was confined to their dorm in order to avoid an embarrassing encounter, and her friends were confined there as well as they couldn't leave their friend behind. Not on the evening when her crush, love, whatever it was, was out on a date with another girl.

"Fine, we'll stay in," Aurora said. "But how about we skip the homework for a while – it's nine o'clock on a Friday night. Honestly."

"I'm not in the mood," Lily said. "But you two can leave if you want to. It's okay."

"No, that's fine," Elisabeth said quickly and picked up her book. "I really should be doing this assignment anyway…"

"Maybe we ought to talk about this, Lily," Aurora tried.

"Talk about what?" Lily said briskly. "There's nothing to talk about!"

"But-"

"Nothing!"

"Fine!"

They sat in silence for a while – Elisabeth and Lily seemingly absorbed in their homework, while Aurora stared out into space.

"I'm off," she abruptly announced before getting down from Lily's bed and heading out of the room.

Aurora went down the stairs to the boys' dormitories and knocked on the door to the sixth years'. There was no response, so she squeezed the door knob and opened the door, peaking inside. The room was empty.

"Looking something? Or someone?" a voice said behind her.

Aurora spun around and came to stand face to face with Sirius.

"Shit," she muttered but gathered herself quickly. "Yes, you."

"Oh?"

"We need to talk."

"I thought you said last time that if I left, I could never come back. This is it, off limits, remember?"

"Not about us, you idiot. About" – she lowered her voice and glanced around to make sure they weren't overheard – "James and Lily."

"Well-"

"In here," she said and pushed him into the dorm.

* * *

"So," James said desperately to break the silence, "you like quidditch?" 

"I like flying," Rosanna said and threw her long dark hair over her shoulder. "But I have no ball sense whatsoever."

"You like flying?"

"I love flying!"

"So… you wanna go for a ride, then?" James made a mental note to thank God for this brainwave. Finally he might be able to break this uncomfortable silence and lack of subjects to talk of or things to do that had imbued their date.

"Sure," she said enthusiastically.

James summoned his broom and mounted it, Rosanna climbed on behind her and slid her arms around his waist. He kicked off from the ground and they zoomed into the air.

The scenery was incredibly beautiful and picturesque. The grounds were dark but the lake glimmered in the dim light from the half moon. It was a clear night and the stars were reflected in the lake. The castle was dark and magnificent as always with its towers. It wasn't more than nine o'clock so no one had gone to bed; therefore, most windows showed lit rooms.

He circled a few times around the castle, but it was getting a tad cold – he could feel Rosanna shivering behind him – so he decided to subside when he got back to the quidditch pitch that they had taken off from. Before they had gotten there, though, he glanced towards one of the lit windows in what happened to be the Gryffindor tower. It also happened to be – though this, he did now know at the moment – the sixth years girls' dormitories. Due to their high speed it was hard to discern, but he definitely saw a glance of auburn hair and what seemed to be Lily Evans.

All of a sudden he wanted nothing more than dismounting the broom and finishing off the date with some lame excuse. But as he a minute or two later did so while frantically trying to figure out with excuse he should use, Rosanna graciously jumped off the broom, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him.

At first he didn't really do anything. She had most definitely caught him off guard. When returning to his senses and realizing what was happening, though, he pulled away abruptly.

"What are you-" he began but she cut her off.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

He looked down at his feet for a moment before deciding to be a man and look her into the eye. "Listen, Rosanna, I've had a great time but… I don't feel that way about you."

"You're not gay, are you?"

"No!"

"Well then what's the problem?!"

He didn't say anything at first, before repeating, "I… just don't feel that way about you."

She looked as though she just had a brain wave in the style of Einstein. "It's Evans, isn't it. You're still in love with her."

"I…" He did not deny it.

"Sirius is _so_ dead… He told me you were over her, that idiot! Oh, you're both idiots, by the way. Had I known you were still in love with her I'd never have gone out with you…" she muttered while stomping away towards the castle.

* * *

Only minutes after Aurora had left, there was another knock on the door to the sixth years Gryffindor boys' dormitory. 

"Yeah," Sirius called out, "who is it?"

He was expecting Remus and Peter to get back soon, but he didn't figure they would knock.

The door was opened and there stood one of his fellow housemates. Anna or Annabelle or something.

"Hi, I don't know if you remember me…"

He sat up abruptly. "We weren't supposed to meet or something, were we?" He groaned on the inside. He didn't forget an appointment with some girl whose name he didn't remember again, did he?

"No," she blushed, "but if you-"

"Um, maybe another time," he said quickly. "But… what's the occasion for this… visit?"

"There's a girl waiting for you outside the common room," Anna or Annabelle or something reported. "Rosanna from Ravenclaw. Says she knows you."

"Right," Sirius said and jumped of his bed. Why was Rosanna here? James hadn't messed up their date so badly, had he? Why was Rosanna back before James?

_James, if I'm getting one of Rosanna's tantrums tonight because of you, then I'll kill you._

"Right, thanks," he said to Anna or Annabelle or something before sprinting down the stairs, through the common room and out through the portrait hole.

Indeed, she did not look happy. She stood a meter from the portrait hole, arms crossed and tapping her foot impatiently. Upon seeing Sirius, she stepped forward and slapped his arm.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"What were you thinking, Sirius Black?!" she exclaimed.

"What are you talking about?!"

"You idiot! I thought we were friends."

"We are!"

"You said he was over Evans! You bloody liar! He's not over her at all, I –"

"What happened?" Sirius asked tiredly.

"I tried to kiss him but he pulled the whole 'I just don't feel that way about you'-crap. Right. It's so obvious!" she gestured wildly. "He's not over Evans. I didn't have a bloody chance. I –"

"I'm sorry," Sirius apologized. "I thought –"

"What?! You thought you'd use me to try and get him to get over her or what?"

"Er –"

"You did, didn't you? You idiot!" she slapped his arm again. "Aaaargh!" she exclaimed and stomped off, leaving a stunned Sirius behind, clutching his aching arm.

* * *

After Rosanna's tantrum, Sirius waited for two hours for James so that he could confront him. That idiot, he would – 

The door opened and James came in.

"Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed. "What the –"

"Not now, Padfoot," James said tiredly. "Date was fine. I'm tired. G'night." And with that, he jumped onto his bed and slammed the hangings shut.

_So_, Sirius mused, _James isn't over Lily at all, like he's been claiming since the beginning of this year._ Not that he was surprised – this was what he had been suspecting and arguing the whole year.

And Lily was in love with him – that was that Aurora had said. "We've got to do something," she had said, "Lily's a pain in the ass in this state. And we all know James still loves her."

"I'm not so sure about that," Sirius had responded, "he's actually on a date right now –"

Aurora waved her hand impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, I know, you fixed them up, you idiot. But –"

"Just wait and see," Sirius said, "I'll get back to you."

Oh yeah. He'd have to get back to her.

* * *

**Author's Note:** As you might know, I originally posted this chapter un-betaed in the absence of my beta, in order to lift my Writer's Block. I don't feel very blocked at the moment but you know these things can always change, so why don't you drop me a nice little review to prevent this? 


	13. Mr Potter's Tale and Confessions

**Chapter 13: Mr Potter's Tale and Confessions**

_I spoke to you in cautious tones  
You answered me with no pretense  
And still I feel I said too much  
My silence is my self defense _

(Billy Joel - And so it Goes)

* * *

_James,_

_We need to talk. I'll be waiting underneath the beech tree at lunch tomorrow._

_Lily_

"What the…" James muttered. "Can she ever leave me alone?"

"What's that you're mumbling about?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing," James answered quickly, clutching the note in his hand before shoving it into his pocket. "Let's go for dinner, shall we?"

* * *

_Lily,_

_We need to talk. I'll be waiting underneath the beech tree at lunch tomorrow. _

_James._

Lily frowned. They had gone two weeks without speaking a single word to each other – which wasn't that hard as all she did was eat, sleep and study – and now he wanted to talk to her?

She was trying her best to be annoyed by this. She should be irritated that he had intruded upon her life once more. She wanted to want him to leave her alone. Yet, she couldn't help but feel happy that he wanted to see her. She wondered what he wanted to say.

* * *

"So," Sirius said the next day, "I was thinking; now that we've got two whole hours of freedom before returning to the prison commonly referred to as afternoon classes, we might devote some of that time to go over the details for that prank we planned for tomorrow night. I want it to be perfect."

Peter nodded eagerly while Remus merely grunted. "Can't, I'm sorry," James said quickly. "I've got to… study. McGonagall set me an extra essay."

"What?"

"Actually, I've got to head to the library right now. See you later, okay?"

"What? Prongs!" Sirius called after James as he hurried away. "No lunch? Are you ill?!" But James didn't seem to hear him, or maybe he just didn't want to answer.

"Have you forgotten where he's going?" Peter asked. "You wrote the note yourself —"

"Wormtail," Sirius said in an overly patient voice, "he mustn't know that I know about the note since he hasn't told me. And besides, Aurora wrote the note for James. I wrote the note for Lily. So, technically, I didn't write his note. Now, let's go and meet the girls so that we can watch —"

"Honestly, Padfoot," Remus said, "don't you reckon we ought to give them some privacy? I mean —"

"Nah," Sirius said.

"Wormtail?" Remus asked.

"Nah," Peter said.

"Fine then," Remus sighed.

"You don't have to come with if you don't want to," Sirius said.

"Oh I'll come."

"Only because Elisabeth will be there," Sirius teased.

"Oh shut up, will you," Remus said, trying to sound cool but still blushing madly.

"We'd better hurry up, or we'll miss everything," Sirius said.

* * *

"I wonder what's for lunch," Aurora mused.

"Well, we'll get to know soon, won't we?" Elisabeth said in an unnaturally cheery voice but Lily didn't seem to notice her bad acting.

"Actually," she said, "I'll have to skip lunch. I've got to… study."

"Study what?" Elisabeth asked.

"Er… essay. McGonagall. Not finished. See you around!"

Elisabeth and Aurora stood still for a while, watching Lily hurry off in pretended surprise, before looking at each other and grinning. "Let's go."

* * *

James pulled a hand through his hair to messy it up – as he always did. He could spot Lily now, she was heading towards him.

God, she was beautiful. That long auburn hair glistering in the sun as she moved, the petite figure, those striking emerald eyes that he knew she had though he couldn't see at this distance. Her smile and the way she moved. Her temper and her kind nature, her smell of vanilla and flowers. Her –

"Hey."

James was pulled out of his thoughts with a start and found himself to be staring into those green eyes he had just been thinking of.

"Hey," he said.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"So…" she said.

"Yeah?"

"Um, aren't you gonna say something?" she asked softly.

"About what?" he inquired.

"Well, I don't know, why you wanted to meet me?"

"What? I just got a note from you —"

"What?! I got a note from you!" she pulled out a neatly folded note from her pocket and handed it to James.

"What's this?" he said before reading it quietly. "Lily… We need to talk. I'll be waiting under… what the…" he pulled out a quite wrinkled note from his own pocket and handed it to Lily.

"What? James, We need to talk," she read. "I'll be waiting under… what the…"

"You didn't write that?" he asked.

"No! Did you write that?" she nodded towards her note.

"No!"

"So… you didn't want to meet me?"

"Er, no offense, but… I hadn't planned on it…" James said uncertainly.

"Me neither."

"So…"

"I guess I'll just head back for lunch, then," she said.

_Was that disappointment in her voice?_ James asked himself. _Nah, I must have imagined it._

"Yeah, me too," he said. And together, they began walking back towards the castle in silence.

* * *

From behind the nearby bushes they had a good view and were within earshot of the beech tree. Sirius had "borrowed" James's invisibility clock and draped it around them as well as possible – they _were_ five people, so…

"Crap," Aurora swore and made a movement as in an attempt to disentangle herself from the others and the bushes. "I'll just-"

"No, you won't," Remus said and grabbed her arm.

"Let go of me!" Aurora said and wrenched her arm out of Remus's firm grip.

"Don't go after them," Elisabeth said.

"Why not?!"

"Well for starters, what are you going to say?" Remus asked.

"Fine!" Aurora pouted. "Let's just watch them ruin their lives then."

"I hate to admit it, but don't you think Aurora is right?" Sirius asked. "We ought to do _something_, don't we? I mean, they —"

"Some people are meant to be together," Remus said. "And if they are, then eventually, they will be. Let nature take its course."

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?" Lily asked James when they had walked about half the way in silence.

"Sure."

"Why did you give up on me?"

She had expected some sort of inquiry, like "what?", or something similar, but there was only silence before James spoke, and it was clear that he knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I suppose that after a while I had reached a point when I realized its meaninglessness," he said slowly. "There is, after all, only so much refusal a man can take. You might have seen it as some sort of game, and to be quite honest I did too, at least initially, but I was actually hoping that one day you'd say yes. But you didn't. I reckon… I just admitted my defeat."

"But there must have been something to trigger it," Lily inquired. "You didn't just wake up one morning and decide 'oh, today I'm not gonna be into Evans anymore', did you?"

"Yeah…" he trailed off. "It's kinda personal."

"Sorry," she apologized, "I didn't mean to intrude, I'm just… curious. You know you can tell me if you want to, even though we aren't really… friends? No pressure though, if you don't want to, then-"

"My dad died this summer," James said abruptly.

"What? Oh, James, I'm so sorry," she said.

"Yeah. Me too." He paused for a while to take a shaking breath. "Anyway. The last thing he told me, it was… well, he told me about this girl he fell in love with when he was at Hogwarts. First year. Love at first sight."

"Your mum?"

"No," James stated, "not my mum. That's the point. There was this girl, and he was in love with her for his entire time at school. He was convinced that she was the one for him – as I was convinced that you were the one for me."

"Seventh year, he got together with her. But later, it turned out that she had never been in love with him – she had only gone out with him in order to make her ex-boyfriend jealous."

"My dad was devastated – said he lost hope in love and whatever. But some years later, he met my mum and fell in love with her. She was his soul mate. He said that he ought to feel _grateful_ that he never got married to his first love, for then he wouldn't have met my mum. And then, of course, I wouldn't have existed," he added in a half cocky, half joking voice.

"Such a loss," Lily said teasingly and punched lightly on his arm to lift the tense atmosphere somewhat. "And what's that got to do with me?"

"Well, history repeats itself, doesn't it? I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, Lily, and that has stuck for the rest of the school years this far. But you never fell in love with me. If I ever got you to go out with me, it wouldn't be because you were in love with me. I would have to trick you to do it or something. Who was I trying to kid? You aren't going to wake up one morning and suddenly out of the spur find yourself to be madly in love with me, are you? I thought I'd just save myself the trouble. Some day I'll find the right woman for me. First love doesn't always last."

"It could be," Lily objected. "Sometimes it is. You're not your father, James."

"Seriously, Lily, why are you trying to convince me to be in love with you again? I know you like the attention, but we both know that you never will fall in love with me. So please, spare me."

"Yeah, but… what if I changed my mind," Lily tried.

"What do you mean?"

"What if I changed my mind about you? Would it be too late?"

"Are you implying that you have changed your mind? Or that you might change your mind? Or that you might consider changing your mind?"

"I don't know," Lily said and looked into the ground while shifting her weight onto one leg.

_You never do, do you? Coward._

"Well, either way," James said slowly, "I think… there's been too much water under the bridge... or something like it."

"You're not in love with me anymore?"

He made a sound as if he was trying to give a casual laugh, but it was more of a grunt. "I don't think that's the problem, Lily," he said, somewhat bitterly. "I don't think that's ever going to be the problem."

_Just say it_, she thought to herself. _Just tell him you're in love with him, and it'll all_-

"Erm," he said, "I'm gonna go, so… I guess I'll see you around. Take care of yourself, Lily."

She opened her mouth to protest, or to tell him she loved him, but no sound came. Instead she watched him walk away in silence.

"James! Wait!" she yelled.

He stopped hesitatingly and turned around slowly.

"I love you," she said.

"What?" he yelled from the distance. "I can't hear you, Lily!"

"I LOVE YOU!"

She was sure he had heard her this time, yet it seemed that he hadn't, for he just stood there for a while, looking at her before shrugging and turning away from her.

As Lily Evans watched James Potter walk away from her for the second time in the past minutes, the first flakes of snow began floating down through the sky.

* * *

**Author's Note:** OMG. What an incredibly cheesy conversation. I could barely stand writing it, could you stand reading it?

Was James OoC?

Review button is down there.

Cheers!


	14. My Worst Mistake

**Chapter 14: My Worst Mistake**

_But if my silence made you leave  
Then that would be my worst mistake  
_

- And So it Goes by Billy Joel

* * *

James pushed the doors open to the Great Hall and set off toward the Gryffindor table, searching the crowd for his friends. He walked down the path, scanning the table, and found that there was no sign of any of them. He walked up the path, scanning the table once more – still no sign. He stood for a while over by the entrance and looked through the other tables briefly, but there were no signs of his fellow Marauders.

They hadn't finished eating yet, had they? Considering the enormous portions they all ate, they never finished in fifteen minutes, or however long he had been away.

He glanced at the big clock on the wall. Okay, sixty-one minutes.

Sixty-one minutes, seriously? Wow, time flies.

He supposed it was possible, then, that they had finished eating. Now he was faced with two choices – eat lunch by himself or go looking for his friends.

He wasn't really in the mood for eating, as the encounter with Lily had pretty much drained him. Yet, he was a man. If it was anything he never lost, it was his appetite.

"Oi, Prongs!" a familiar voice called from behind before James had headed off towards the table again. "I'm starving," Sirius said and pounded him on the back, "let's eat!"

"I thought you had finished already?" James questioned as the four of them made their way towards the table.

"Had some business to take care of," Peter muttered.

"Had an essay to write," Remus said at the same time.

"One's never too full for lasagna!" Sirius exclaimed happily at the exact same time.

The three boys glared at each other.

"Nice try," James sniggered. "Just for the record – the next time you're gonna lie, at least _try_ to coordinate your stories?"

"So," said Remus tentatively as they sat down, "essay finished alright?"

"Guys!" James exclaimed. "Puh-lease. I know you set me up on that encounter with Lily. And I reckon, since none of you have eaten yet, that you spent the past hour spying at us?"

"Prongs, mate," Sirus said, "we only –"

"Yeah, whatever," James cut him off. "Doesn't matter really."

"You're not mad?" Peter asked astonished.

"What's the point," James said. "I know you only did it because you love me," he added in a funny voice.

"So," Sirius said slowly, "how did it go? We only saw you two heading off together and nothing seemed to have happened, so…"

"Well actually it is none of your business! But, just for the record. She confessed that she was in love with me and I turned her down."

"You kidding?"

"No, seriously."

"Why?"

James shrugged. "She's not gonna think she can behave however she wants," he said. "I've been trying to get her to go out with me for years, and now when she wants me and I'm not sure I want to be with her any more, she's being such a drama queen."

"So," Remus said thoughtfully, "you didn't turn her down because you weren't interested, but because you wanted to teach her a lesson."

James thought for a while. "Yeah, I guess," he said and nodded.

Remus stepped up and smacked his friend on the side of the head. "You idiot!"

"Ouch! Moony! What's that for?"

"Moony's right," Sirius said, stepped up and smacked James on the other side of the head. "You really are an idiot, James."

"Idiot!" Peter agreed stupidly, took a step towards James and tried to smack him too, but his arm was so short he ended up just moving it in a circle and smacking himself on the side of the head instead.

"What is wrong with you people?!" James called out. "Stop hitting me!"

"You turned the love of your life down when she finally got interested, only to teach her a lesson!" Sirius bellowed. "You idiot!"

"What's your problem?" James shouted back. "She's only some random girl I fancied once, she's not necessarily the love of my life."

At that moment, the boys' argument was interrupted by a knock on the window. Remus headed over to let in the gray-ish owl, which flew over to James who surprisedly detached the little envelope before the owl hooted and flew off again.

"What is it?" Sirius asked curiously.

"No idea," James said and unfolded it.

_James,_

_Now I get it._

_It was the chase, wasn't it? It's always the chase. Always. You coward. It was just a game for you, wasn't it? A bet? _

_I take back whatever I might have accidentally yelled. I don't know what came over me, I must have been possessed._

_Lily_

* * *

_Why did she write it?_ It was only childish and immature and showed that she cared about him. She was supposed to show him that she didn't care, wasn't she?

Oh crap. Why did she have to write that letter? It was just pointless.

But, oh well, it was all finished and sent now, so she couldn't really do anything about it, could she?

Lily looked around in her empty dorm. Never had she felt so lonely, betrayed, and abandoned. She had almost literally thrown Aurora and Elisabeth out after having lashed out at them and yelled both accusations and obscenities that weren't Lily-ish at all.

She figured that she had the right to be angry. They had sworn not to tell anyone, yet they had gone and told Black and them and they had set that encounter up, which had lead to the most embarrassing conversation in her life.

She was neither going to ever speak to any of them again, nor was she going to ever leave her dorm.

Maybe she could transfer to Beauxbatons – that was a very appealing idea indeed. Perhaps she ought to go and have a word with Dumbledore in the morning.

Aurora and Elisabeth had the common sense to stay away for a while, but the two girls who weren't involved in this mess came in after dinner, at about half past eight. They nodded curtly at Lily before returning to their conversation. Lily snapped the hangings around her body shut and tried to lose herself in her latest potions essay. She heard Aurora and Elisabeth coming in at about eleven o'clock, but made no sound or movement as to acknowledge them. They might as well think she was asleep.

At midnight, Lily put her finished potions essay aside. She really needed to go to the bathroom, and she was indeed starving, but she wasn't sure if Aurora and Elisabeth were asleep, although she couldn't hear them talking.

At half past midnight, she was almost exploding. She really, really _really_ needed to go to the bathroom now. And to make matters worse, she smelled food. Maybe she was hallucinating. She sniffed. No, that was definitely chicken.

She could _kill_ for some of that chicken, wherever it came from.

Not having heard a sound form any of her dorm mates in the past hour, she decided to take the risk and go to the bathroom before going hunting for the chicken.

Two minutes later, she stepped out onto the stairs and felt the smell of the chicken grow stronger. She was definitely in the same room as the chicken.

She looked over the banister down into the dimly lit common room. See, there was the chicken.

And there was Potter.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" she cried out, startling James who jumped up from the couch where he was seated.

"Lily?" he asked uncertainly.

"Oh, Lord," she muttered while glancing upwards, "why are you doing this to me?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oho, cliffie. :P

I really, really, really wanted to finish this story before the summer holidays were over. But, sadly, I this Monday had to return to the prison. School. Today I'm returning to work and I'm returning to pretty much everything at the moment. Swish, there goes the time I would want to dedicate to finishing this story.

_But_, there's only one chapter plus an epilogue left. I had planned on this being the last chapter but I got carried away and this got a whole lot longer than planned. Thus – next chapter will (probably) be the last one. And then there'll be an epilogue to tie the knot.

Right, the point. I had a point with this A/N rambling. My point was that since there's so little left, _I will be finishing the story if it's so the last thing I do_. Though it might take some time.

And it might help if you drop me a review.

Cheers!


	15. And You Can Have This Heart to Break

**Author's Note:** I am so so sorry! I know it's been like _two weeks_, which is embarrassing, but remember that I did warn you. This could turn into an enormously long ranting about how swamped I've been with school and work and stuff but I know you're not really interested, so I'll just say; Enjoy. Here's the final chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 15: And You Can Have This Heart to Break**

_So I will share this room with you  
And you can have this heart to break_

(And so it Goes – Billy Joel)

* * *

"Potter," Lily said coolly while walking down the stairs, "just give me the chicken or you will unleash a monster that you – believe me – do not wish to meet."

"Pardon?"

Lily jumped the last few steps while pulling out her wand. "Give me the bloody chicken!" she exclaimed while pointing her wand at James.

"Help yourself," he said courteously and made a hand gesture towards the food.

She looked at him suspiciously but sat down opposite him, conjured up a fork and made herself ready to tuck in.

"Wait," she said suddenly, "it's not poisonous, is it?"

He shrugged. "Not that I've noticed."

"Where did you get all this food anyway?"

He shrugged again. "Kitchens."

"Really."

"Ooo, ickle pickle prefect gonna land me in detention for sneaking down to the kitchen by night?" he mocked her.

Lily had her mouth full of food and chewed hugely to be able to swallow, so that she could snap back.

"Because if that's the case," James in the meantime continued casually, "please let me know, as I then shouldn't bother giving you any." He grinned.

"Oo rauht," Lily tried to speak.

"Pardon?"

She swallowed. "You prat."

"Careful, or I might not want to share the chicken with you anymore."

"Why don't you head off to bed?" she asked. "I'm perfectly well capable of finishing the chicken on my own."

"Why would I?"

"Um, you're tired? It's an hour past midnight."

"Nah. I don't like sleeping at night."

"Right, you prefer sleeping during classes."

"Well," he boosted, "if you're as smart and talented as me, you don't really need to pay attention during class."

"You really are the most self-absorbed, cocky git that I've ever met, you know that?"

"So you've said."

"Yes."

"And yet, you're madly in love with me."

Lily choked. "I thought I told you, I don't know what came over me. I must've been possessed."

"Lily-"

"Well, I'm off to bed," she said cheerily and rose from the sofa, "Thanks for the chicken."

"Don't go, Lily-"

"Goodnight then!"

"Lily!"

She stopped and spun around, hands on her hips, glaring at James. "What is it, Potter? I'm not going to stay here letting you torment me and making fun of me. I do have some dignity, you know, and that is no way at all to treat a lady!"

"I'm sorry," he said simply.

He sounded sincere, but how could she know he really meant it? She searched his eyes for some sort of evidence but lost focus as she seemed to melt in front of them. "Uh, right," she stuttered and dragged herself back to reality. "Uh, I mean, well you should be! Sorry, I mean."

"There'll never be another you."

Albeit she had heard his love confessions before, she blushed at this. Thank God the room was dimly lit, and he probably didn't notice.

"Why, thank you," she said indifferently. "Really, I ought to be off to bed-"

"For bloody God's sake, Lily!" James cried out and rose abruptly. "You were right – it's the chase, isn't it? Though I don't think you have any right to accuse me of just being in this for the chase, when it's what you're doing yourself!"

"What on earth are you talking about?" She uncertainly took a few steps towards him.

"Lily, I'm trying so hard here," he said, and shifted his weight to one foot while ruffling his hair up with his hand. "We're back to me being the one chasing and you being the one running away. I had given up on you, you know, yet when you said those things I couldn't help but hope-"

"Shut it, Potter," Lily mumbled and took the last step up to James. She reached out and put her hand behind his head, pulling it down to her own level, and kissed him.

It was a slow, searching kiss, and initially she couldn't tell if he responded to it or not – well, thankfully, he at least didn't seem to try to push her away. And slowly she noticed him answering and deepening the kiss. James's hands slid around her waist and she began feeling all warm and gooey inside.

Eventually he pulled away, doing a slight lip nibble-thing as if a final statement, and grinned at her. "Hey! That was my card to play!"

"Oh yeah?" she asked him daringly. "Well, you were taking forever."

"Oh my," he mumbled, while breathing in her flowery scent and just simply enjoying being close to her, "look who's talking."

She slapped him playfully on the arm. "I hate you," she pouted.

"I know."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Kiss you?"

"Good idea," she answered smiling, and leaned in for another kiss.

* * *

"I like snuggling," Lily announced. She was curled up in the sofa, leaning her head onto James's chest, with his arm around her. "You better as well."

"I like snuggling with you."

"Good enough," she laughed.

He kissed her forehead. "Weren't you tired?"

"Nah," she said. "I'm just gonna settle for being a total mess tomorrow."

"You're gonna fall asleep in class," he teased her.

"Yeah, and I don't really care," she answered. Then she glared in a half joking, half accusing way at James. "Look what you've done to me."

"I know, isn't it great?"

She shot him a nasty glare but laughed before falling serious again.

"This is it, then?" she asked slowly. "No more games? Just you and me?"

He nodded. "No more games, no more chase, you and me."

"You think that'll work?"

"Knowing you and me, I'd say… no. But who knows. Maybe you'll surprise me."

"Ha! It's you who would need to surprise yourself, more likely."

"Whatever you say, darling," he said, and smiled before kissing her again.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I could, as said, easily turn this into an everlasting note about the load of crap I've got to do right now, but I'll just cut to the cheese. Or chase. Or whatever the saying is.

I've got the epilogue mapped out, I haven't began writing it yet though. This Sunday is my first day off for like two weeks, I'll hopefully be writing something then, and if not, during the next weeks, so… well, it's finished when it's finished.

I will most likely **not** be writing any more stories in the near future. I mean, look at how long time this chapter took (I'm not one for updating once a month, I tend to lose track of the story). And term has barely started yet. Check back next summer… or just put me on your Author Alert so that you won't have to check back! Isn't that a handy little feature?

Oh, and I really appreciate reviews. (Who doesn't?)


	16. Epilogue: Naming Him YouKnowWhat

**Author's Note:** Well, here you go. The epilogue is quite short, but it ties the knot in the way I wanted it to.

BIG thank you to all of you who have reviewed at some point, HUGE thank you to beta **Four and Twenty Blackbirds**, and I hope to get the inspiration to write something more some day… (which will most likely not be soon though).

Any comments are welcome, I can still change stuff in the story if I want to. Someone mentioned it sometimes sounds more like they're at a normal boarding school than at Hogwarts, anyone got any ideas of how to fix that (without re-writing the _whole_ story)? Anything. Reviews are appreciated.

* * *

**Epilogue: Naming him... You-Know-What**

_July 31, 1980_

"Push, Mrs. Potter, _push_!" repeated the midwife patiently.

"I've pushed a thousand and one times already!" Lily yelled, frustrated. "It's not working!"

"You're almost there," James said in a brave attempt to comfort his hysterical wife, whose hand he was holding. "Just one more time!"

"No!"

"One more time, for me?"

"I'M NEVER GOING TO DO ANYTING FOR YOU AGAIN!" Lily yelled. "YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN, JAMES POTTER!"

"Tricky, seeing as I'm actually your _husband_," James smirked but Lily didn't seem to hear.

"I can see the head!" the midwife announced, clearly excited. "Now _push_!"

Tears streamed down Lily's face in frustration. "I can't!"

"Yes, honey, you can," James said. "I know you can."

Lily bit her lip and pushed again.

"Very well, Mrs. Potter," the midwife said. "You're nearly there! One more! Push!"

"_I am pushing!_" Lily cried out, yet she pushed even harder while also squeezing her husband's right hand even harder. James face went pale with pain but he didn't dare say anything.

For a moment the world seemed to freeze, but then there was a scream. A baby's scream.

"It's a boy," the midwife announced.

Lily leant back on the pillows, exhausted, while James peered curiously towards the baby. "Ooooh," he said in awe.

"You want to cut the umbilical cord, Mr. Potter?" the midwife asked and handed James a pair of scissors.

"Uh, pardon?"

"You need to cut the umbilical cord, James," Lily said tiredly. "This is how we do it the muggle way," she added in a low voice so that no one but her husband would hear.

"Right," James said and gripped the scissors. He seemed a bit confused, but after some instructions from the midwife, the physical connection between mother and son was cut.

A few seconds later the baby, wrapped into some blankets, was handed to Lily. James bent down over his wife and newborn child. "I can't believe it," he whispered. "He's real."

Lily smiled. "Yes." She stroked her son's cheek lightly.

"You did wonderfully," James whispered and kissed her forehead. "And you too," he added jokingly, touching the baby's unscarred forehead lightly.

There was a knock on the door and a muffled voice said impatiently, "Are you finished any time soon? We want to come in!"

"Easy, Sirius," another voice was heard, "give them some time!"

Lily laughed. "Let them in," she ordered her husband.

"James opened the door and was almost mangled by the crowd. Half a minute later, the room was filled with people. Every one of the Marauders, Elisabeth and Aurora, Lily's parents and James' mother and cousin and –

"Have you considered any names yet?" Aurora asked curiously.

"We haven't decided anything," Lily said, "we haven't really discussed it, but…", she glanced at James, "I've been thinking, and –"

"You've decided to name him after me!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Yeah right," Aurora snorted playfully.

"No, Padfoot, but thanks for the idea," James said. "However, we'll most likely not use it."

"So, Lily," Elisabeth said, "what were you saying?"

"Harry," Lily and James said in one mouth. They then stared at each other, surprised that the other one had had the exact same thought.

The room was filled with recognizing and approving murmurs. "Harry is perfect," Elisabeth giggled.

"Yes, lovely indeed," Sirius said. "Harry Sirius Potter…"

"No," Lily said. "Harry James."

James smiled at his newborn son. "Welcome on board, Harry James Potter," he said quietly. "A true marauder, I'm gonna teach you everything I know…"

"That won't take very long…"

THE END.


End file.
